


Twilight's Sister

by melancholycolly



Series: Twilight's Sister [1]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholycolly/pseuds/melancholycolly
Summary: Twilight fic written from POV of Bella Swan's sister Colly Swan who comes to realize she's in love with her best friend, Jacob Black.
Relationships: Bella Swan/Original Character(s), Jacob Black/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Twilight's Sister [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867906
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

I knew when my dad was uncharacteristically talkative throughout our weekly dinner at Milly’s Diner, there was something wrong. Normally he was rather quiet, asking me how school was and asking about my friends, wondering if I had talked to Jake recently (my closest friend who lived on the Reservation outside of town with his dad, who happened to be my dad’s closest friend), and sometimes he’d throw in a work story. He was the chief of police of our tiny town of Forks, it wasn’t the greatest being the daughter of the chief but that mostly meant people left me alone, which I didn’t mind so much. We had placed our orders, mine was the usual shrimp scampi (sometimes I liked to zest it up and order the fried chicken with mashed potatoes), and dad got his steak and baked potato. I always bugged him to order a salad here and there, but regardless of the amount of steak and starch and beer he consumed he always had a rather lean build. I felt like I weighed more than him and I was only sixteen.   
Anyway, he was really quiet. I was starting to panic, was I in trouble? I scanned my mind for any of the things I’ve done recently that could result in me getting in trouble. I uh… got a C on a recent biology test but how would he know about that? Well he is the chief he usually finds out everything. To be fair I hadn’t had time to study because I got a horrible cold from him so like, who’s fault is it really? I stayed out late last weekend with Jake, Embry, and Quil but we saw a late movie, which dad knew about. I give up. I opened my mouth to ask if I was in trouble but he finally spoke.  
“So hon, I gotta talk to you about something.” He said taking a sip of his black coffee, he gave a… weird smile. I eyed him and took a sip of my coffee with four creams.  
“Am I in trouble?” I blurted.  
My dad snorted, his jet black mustache fluttering, “No kid you’re not in trouble.”  
He paused, I paused, c’mon old man give me something to work with here. He shifted and the booth made a loud creaking sound. He sighed and put down his coffee.  
“Look you know how Bella’s stepdad is a baseball player?”  
You could’ve given me a million guesses and I never would have guessed those words would come out of his mouth.   
“Er-I guess, Phil?”   
“Yeah Phil,” my dad continued continuing to shift in his seat, you’d think with him being a police officer he would be better at breaking news (if that even was what this weird conversation is), “Well anyway Renee and I have been talking, and apparently Phil has landed some gig on a rather big team. No major league nothing like that but still, it’s got him traveling around.”  
“Okay…” I said still confused. My half-sister, Bella, has lived with her mom (Renee) since they left my dad. Well I can’t really say they because Bella was like, fresh out of the oven when Renee took off. Apparently she had always hated Forks or whatever, maybe it was her pregnancy hormones that caused her to take off or having a baby gave her someone new to talk to, I never really got the full story out of dad. Anyway, Bella has only visited out of obligation for some holidays (like one Christmas out of the past ten years), normally my dad dropped me off at our neighbors house and he flew down to Arizona to visit them for a couple weeks every summer. I always had the option to go but my alabaster skin wouldn’t last five seconds in the southern sun. I preferred the constant overcast of Washington. Anyway it was March, I had no idea why dad was going on and on about Bella and her stepdad getting a job.  
“Well, Bells has decided that uh. Well, she figured her mom would be happier being on the road with Phil. So uh, we’ve talked and er-well.”  
“Dad c’mon.” I groaned trying to get him to spit it out. Give it to me straight, like you just found out my loved one plastered on the highway and I needed to come identify them. Too dark? What can I say I’m the daughter of the chief. I’ve heard it all.  
“Bella is gonna come live with us.” He finally blurted.   
I sat back in my seat, stunned, “Here? In Forks?”  
Dad snorted, “Yes hon, here, in Forks, in our house.”   
“Am I dying?” I leaned forward and rested my head in my hand that was propped up on the table by my elbow.  
“No Colly.” my dad laughed again and took another swig of his coffee.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked still trying to process everything. Questions were zipping through my head where would she sleep? Well obviously her old bedroom upstairs but like, she hasn’t been there since she was twelve. Is she just going to transfer schools? In the middle of her junior year? Am I gonna have to share my car?   
“I wanted to but I didn’t want to tell you until I knew for sure it was happening.” My dad said honestly. The waitress, Mona, brought over our food before I had the chance to pepper him with the rest of my questions.  
“Here you go chief,” she said handing my dad a sizzling steak, “And here’s your scampi sweetie. Congrats on getting high honor’s by the way I just read it in the paper this morning.”  
“Thanks Mona.” I blushed. Mona had waited on us nearly every time we’ve come here since I was a kid and came to live with my dad. She was well into her fifties now but didn’t look a day over forty, her son was in my grade and occasionally bussed here. I always had a tiny crush on him but never had the guts to say anything, after all I knew he’d never go for me, he was one of the most popular kids in school.   
“More coffee?” She gestured towards my dads empty cup.  
“Please and thank you Mona.”  
I sighed and peppered my scampi, I suddenly had lost my appetite. I couldn’t even get any more words out.  
“Please don’t be mad at me, I know I probably should have talked to you first but she’s your sister.” My dad finally said after a few minutes of poking at our food.  
“I’m not mad at you dad I’m just surprised,” I sighed, “I mean she never so much as calls let alone up and deciding to move here.”  
“I know but, we’ll make it work. She really wants to do this.” He said cutting his steak. I ate the rest of my meal in silence, wishing I was home so I could call Jake or Claire and tell them. Claire also lived on the Reservation, I managed to make friends with everyone except kids that actually went to my school. I avoided my dads gaze as I tried to distract myself from thinking about how weird this whole situation was. I mean, yeah Bella was my ‘sister’ so to say but she was more like a distant cousin I met when I was a kid and saw at a reunion or funeral once every five or so years. Sisters are supposed to call you on your birthday and point out all your flaws playfully, steal your clothes, talk to you about boys. Isn’t that what sisters are like? I’ve always just felt like an only child.  
Dad paid the bill and we quietly drove home in his cruiser, I felt like I had so much to say and yet nothing at all came to mind. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad? Maybe she’s a totally different person who just didn’t know how to build a bridge? I just couldn’t get rid of the massive brick that had grown in my stomach. Nothing was going to be the same anymore.

~

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the airport with me?” My dad offered one last time. He was wearing his Saturday clothes, no uniform, no badge, just dad sneakers, dad jeans, and a flannel over a football shirt. I kind of hoped he was taking his cruiser to pick her up, really give the whole show.  
“I’m sure dad, I have homework and I figured I’d tidy up her room some more.” I said sitting at the dining table with my coffee and Geometry book. I had finished my homework the night before but I wanted any excuse to stay home. He looked a little disappointed but seemed more pleased I was acknowledging her arrival. Since he had broke the news last week we had barely exchanged three sentences to each other, but I was slowly coming around. Not that I had a choice. I went shopping with him yesterday to get her a new bedspread and various new room decor that would replace the old paintings of kittens and ducks. Plus the guilt had compelled my dad to buy me a new winter coat and boots.  
“Alrighty well call me if you need anything, we’ll be home in a few hours. I love ya.” He said slipping on his rain jacket and baseball hat that smooshed down his shaggy black hair.  
“Love you too dad, have fun.” I gave a small wave and watched him close the door behind him and pull out of the driveway. Once his Toyota was out of sight I slammed my book shut, shotgunned the rest of my coffee, and let out a loud and exasperated groan that startled my chocolate lab Maggie who was curled up at my feet.   
“Oh sorry Maggs.” I said rubbing her with my foot. I had three hours of freedom left, oh what to do. I picked up my phone, I had a few texts from Claire and Jake.  
Claire: Is she there yet??   
I texted her back that Charlie had just gone to get her but no. Jake had texted the same thing.  
Jake: Hey is your sister there yet? My dad and I are planning on dropping by later for the game.  
My heart jumped and I immediately felt relieved, I hadn’t seen Jake in a few days.  
Me: No dad just left to get her :/ but awesome! That’ll make it less awkward hopefully.  
I scrolled through all my socials for a few hoping it would distract me but of course, no luck. My heart leapt into my throat every time a car came near my driveway even though I knew there was no way they’d be home already. I couldn’t tell if I was excited or terrified.   
I decided to take a shower, but that could only last for so long. I blow dried my hair but it barely reached the bottom of my neck to it took a minute to dry. I did my face routine, lots of lotion for my dry skin, and took my time doing my makeup. But by the time I was done it had only been an hour. I did tell dad I was going to tidy up her room, I guess I could do that. I trudged upstairs, with Maggie close at my heels, and stopped at the brown door that hung a sign labeled Bella. I hadn’t been in this room in… years. Not since my curiosity got the best of me and I snooped around. But seeing as Bella never really lived here, there was nothing than some drawings she made as a kid and dad hung up. I twisted the doorknob and pressed my way into her room. I knew I probably could’ve convinced dad to let me move in here, but my room in the basement had it’s own bathroom and I wasn’t gonna give that up. And thank god I didn’t or she’d be claiming it.   
I walked over and plopped on the full sized bed. It was the old bedspread, the new one dad had picked out was still in the plastic on the floor, along with the new lamp, and a couple scented candles I suggested. I hoped she liked lavender, it was my favorite scent. I decided to strip the bed of it’s old musty sheets and pried the new spread out of it’s case. I replaced the old pillows with the new fluffy one’s we bought, slipped them onto the new purple cases. Dad thought she liked purple, I barely remembered what she looked like so I assumed purple would be a good bet. I flattened out the purple-swirled comforter, laid the quilt out that our grandmother made her when she visited years ago, and finished with her old stuffed owl dad had bought her when they went to a nature center when we were kids. I still had the wolf I picked out.  
I set up her new lamp next to her bed, cleaned up the plastic from the unpacking, and lit the fresh candle placing it on her old desk. I walked over to her window that extended from the house and had a perfect shot of the forest behind our house. I sat down and leaned my head against the cool glass, it was of course raining outside, but even after all these years of constant rain I never got sick of it. I closed my eyes and continued to prepare myself for what was to come. Dad insisted it wouldn’t be that different, but school was already buzzing about the new girl in town and she hadn’t even arrived yet. Everyone was asking me questions about her, but other than her name and grade I didn’t have any more information than they did.  
I guess the only thing I could do was wait. And hope.


	2. Bella comes home

The old sheets were washed, dried, and folded, I had cooked a welcome home lasagna and baked some cookies, made another pot of coffee that I drank myself, let Maggie out multiple times, and tidied up the living room before I finally saw headlights pull into the driveway.   
“It’s time.” I faked a smile for Maggie who wasn’t convinced and rolled onto her side. I rolled my eyes and scratched her stomach, hoping she wouldn’t immediately jump on Bella and send her running for the hills (well actually…). I shook that thought and braced myself. Should I sit? Should I stand? Should I hide? Should I place the cookies on a fancy plate and greet them like a 50s housewife? I didn’t have time to decide before the door was opening and Maggie was barking. I tried to shush her but there was a new scent, an exciting new scent. Dad came in first will suitcases pushing Maggie back from the door. I fiddled with my hands awkwardly as I waited. Dad was soaked, his hair now caked to his face and water streaming off his cap. I sucked in a tight breath and waited, behind him walked the girl that shared my genes. She slipped in behind dad and dropped her duffel on the ground. Her brown curls that dropped down to her shoulders were wet, and her skin almost paler than mine was nearly blue. It had been so long since I’d seen her, she looked different than her school pictures we had gotten a few months ago. Her and dad had the same hazel eyes and small pointy nose, and she was tall and lanky like he was. I felt even more out of place.  
“Welcome back.” I said sheepishly as I reigned Maggie to my side, holding onto her collar so she wouldn’t trip Bella. I avoided eye contact.  
“Sorry we’re a little late uh, baggage took a while.” Dad said as he closed the door behind them and took Bella’s jacket.   
“That’s fine I made dinner. Jake said Billy might come over for the game tonight.” I added, still unsure if I should directly address my sister or just… let her be.  
“Oh good I haven’t seen him in awhile.” Dad gleamed, he was always giddy to see his man friend. A few moments of silence went by as Bella sheepishly peeled her wet sneakers off and lingered in the doorway, dad was too preoccupied with the cookies and lasagna waiting on the oven.   
“How was the flight?” I finally blurted out trying to fill the void. Bella looked startled that I spoke to her.  
“It was er, fine.” She said plainly. Okay well I tried.   
“Well Bells I guess we can take your stuff up,” dad said as he inhaled a cookie, “We got you a new bedspread and such, you like purple right?”  
She nodded and grabbed a couple bags, dad grabbed the rest before I had a chance to jump in. They trudged upstairs as dad continued to chatter with her, I heard a couple confirming grunts but similar to dad, Bella wasn’t much of a conversationalist.   
A few minutes later dad emerged back downstairs.  
“She’s just getting settled, thanks for making the bed.” He said as he went into the kitchen and made himself a plate of lasagna.  
“Yep.” I nodded and sipped my coffee, staring aimlessly at the TV I had turned on to tune out the awkward silence. I’m sure dad was hoping for a more lively reunion between the two sisters, hell maybe I was too, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I sighed and rested my head back, this was going to be a long weekend.  
~  
Billy and Jake arrived later that afternoon, bringing a gift with them. I immediately ran out to greet the familiar faces and get away from the very intense household. Bella had mostly kept to unpacking in her room, and dad already had three servings of lasagna by the time they arrived. He was on the verge of passing out when he heard the honking of an old truck in our driveway.   
“Hey there Colly, has the prodigal daughter returned?” Billy asked playfully, I tried not to take offense. Billy was still in the drivers side of his truck, no Jake to be seen, my shoulders slumped in disappointment.  
“Oh yeah, she got here a couple hours ago.” I responded, my dad coming up behind me now.  
“Jake will be right along Charlie. He’s driving the old Ford down.” Billy said. Oh thank god.  
“Thanks again Billy, I’m really hoping she’ll like it.” Dad gleamed. I assumed the she was Bella. Once again, I tried not to take offense.  
“Like what?”  
“I bought Billy’s old truck off him, you know the old rust bucket?” Dad said jokingly.  
“Jake fixed it up she’s in perfect condition.” Billy added.  
“Why?” I asked.  
“Well Bells is gonna need her own car and the price was right.” Dad said as a loud hum of an engine came around the corner. Sure enough I could see in the driver’s seat my best friend Jake smiling from ear to ear as he gave a small wave to the party standing in the driveway. He pulled in next to his dad and turned off the jet engine. He hopped out of the drivers side and slammed the old rickety door. His long dusty black hair falling to his ribcage was smooshed down by a beanie, his black eyes were glistening as he walked over and nudged me in the shoulder. He had filled out during his recent growth spurts so his playful nudges always caused me to lose my balance a little, now he towered over me by a few inches, standing at over six feet. It was unfair.  
“Hey kid.” He said playfully knowing full well I was older than him by two months. He turned to Charlie, “The old girl ran perfectly, I just put air in the tires today too so she should be all set!”  
Jake was beaming from ear to ear, he was always proud when he finished a project (and it actually ran).  
“Appreciate it Jake, I’m hoping this will make Bells feel more at ease, give her a little more freedom.” Dad added, “I’m gonna go get here.”  
Dad ran inside Jake bumped me playfully again before walking around and dragging his dad’s wheelchair out of the bed of his truck. Billy had been in a wheelchair for … ten years now, since the car accident that killed Jake’s mom. The anniversary was coming up soon. Jake helped his dad out of the truck and into his chair.  
“So you think she’ll love it or be running for the Arizona plains?” Billy chuckled.  
Before I could answer Dad reemerged with Bella closely behind, she had a little more color in her face after being inside for a couple hours, but by the expression on her face she was already hating being outside again.  
“Bells you remember Billy Black right?” Dad said gesturing towards Billy.  
“Yeah of course,” Bella stammered, “How are you?”  
“Oh you know, still dancing. Charlie here hasn’t been able to shut up about you since you told him you were moving.” Billy said. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and Bella gave a small chuckle.  
“Hi uh, I’m Jake.” Jake said giving a small wave. I doubt Bella remembered him, she never really paid much attention to Jake and I when she would visit. She gave a nod back and forced a smile.  
“So Bells, what do you think?” Dad asked slightly nodding towards the truck.  
“The truck? It’s nice, who’s is it?” She asked giving a polite smile.  
“It’s yours.” Dad gleamed, “Bought it off Billy, figured you needed to get to school somehow.”  
Surprisingly Bella let out a genuine smile, “You’re kidding? It’s great dad er-thanks.”  
I gave Jake a look and he gave me one back, we were both surprised. I was just glad she didn’t hurt dad’s feelings. Jake ran over and started explaining the trucks quirks. They both hopped in the truck and I could see them chattering, Bella had given more attention to him in the past five minutes than she had to me my entire life. I shook it off and offered to help Billy inside. I wheeled him up the driveway and up the makeshift ramp dad had built when Billy had his accident. Dad and him were chatting about the game, Bella and Jake were still in the truck, and I was wishing this nightmare would end. 

~  
The evening seemed to drag on forever. Jake and Bella were chatting about… god I don’t even know I blocked them out and zoned out. I knew I probably should’ve tried to insert myself into the conversation but I didn’t bother. Even Maggie was curled up next to Bella. Traitor. I eventually got up and snuck off to my room. I opened up my laptop, plugged my headphones in and starting writing. I quickly typed out a journal entry for the day, my therapist recommended I try to do this every day so I can keep track of triggers for bad days. Under trigger I wrote: Bella stealing away family and friends. But immediately deleted it realizing how childish I sounded. I gave up on journaling my feelings because everything came out whiny and infantile, I mean, I’ve been begging for a sibling my whole life and now I finally have one. Shouldn’t I be happy? My stomach knotted as I began to think about Jake and Bella becoming buddies. I shook that thought off and opened a document I had been working on the past couple weeks, a new story idea I had: girl likes boy, boy has no idea she exists. Original right? I didn’t care, writing was one of my few escapes. I was up to fifty, no sixty pages when I felt someone beside me. I slammed my laptop shut and ripped my headphones out.  
“Where’d you go kid? I missed you.” Jake was in my room, a couple cookies shoved in a napkin in his hand, “Whatcha doing?”  
“Uh, nothing, just homework.” I lied, my hand still pressing my laptop shut. I never shared my writing with anyone. Anyone. My therapist had asked a few times to read my work and suggested I participate in the writing club, but that was more anxiety triggering than anything, so I never did.   
“You’re missing the party.” Jake said flashing a smile and shoving an entire cookie in his mouth. I couldn’t help but snicker.   
“Oh I’m sure.” I rolled my eyes knowing Billy and dad were doing their usual game banter and throwing back beers, it made me feel a little better Jake actually noticed I was gone.  
“Mind if I hang out here? It’s pretty boring up there.” He said throwing himself down on my bed and leaning back on his elbows. I couldn’t help but get a little satisfaction out of that.   
“Nope, not at all.” I said clicking on my TV, I jumped on the bed next to him and we sat side by side against the wall as I settled on old reruns of Friends. Hoping it wasn’t an episode that made crude racist comments toward Native Americans. Jake never took offense, but it was always a little awkward. It was almost impossible to avoid sadly. Our arms were touching, I wasn’t sure if he noticed, it was relaxing being so close to him. Jake and I had been close friends since I moved here to live with my dad when I was four, so basically all I remember. His dad and my dad have been friends for quite a while before that, back when dad first started working at the Police station. I think because Billy was one of the tribal leaders their paths crossed regularly in communication with the Reservation and they just bonded on their love of boring man stuff, like fishing. Billy had always been like another dad to me, but Jake hadn’t really been very brother-like, we were always just best friends. He has two older sisters as well but they’re twins, and a like four years older than us so it felt like completely different generations. Jake and I always kept to ourselves and played in the mud while dad and Billy swapped gossip and tossed back some beer. It was a nice ritual we had. I mean Jake and I switched out playing in the mud for homework or I watched him work on one of his projects, but nonetheless. He was always there.


	3. Swan's first day

Sunday was a long day. I spent a majority of it avoiding Bella. I took Maggie for a long walk down a local trail, did my laundry, and got ahead on some math homework for the week. I called Claire and talked to her for awhile, she was having boy troubles again.  
“So I’m into this older guy.” Claire admitted, I had plugged my headphones into my phone so I could clean up my room while I talked. I would’ve gone to see her but my dad was pretty adamant about me staying in the house while Bella was getting acclimated. Like it even mattered. But I did it for him, this was more stressful to him than it was Bella.   
“Oh god Claire how old?” I asked trying to stifle my laughter. We liked to hangout at the local food-shack on the Reservation whenever we’d hang out, I’d buy us milkshakes and we’d giggle at the guys heading to the beach to surf. I mean, we’re teenage girls what else are we supposed to do? She was the only one who got attention but I’m not surprised, Claire was gorgeous. She had long and sleek black hair that was cut sharp at her ribs. She didn’t have to wear makeup because her eyes were naturally stunning, and her cheeks always rosy. She lost her baby weight but kept it on her hips and bust, everything a girl dreams for.   
“18.” She said defensively.  
“Not too bad. Is he into you?” I asked. I was expecting her to say like 25 or something and I’d have to give her the ‘you know he’s a pedophile right?’ talk.  
“I have no idea. I mean, he’s a senior, and I’ve known him my whole life but I don’t know what it is! He’s been giving me looks recently, and not like ‘You’re a piece of meat I want to devour’ looks but like, ‘how you doin’ looks. Does that make sense?” She yammered.  
“Er- kind of? I mean it’s good he’s not like giving you weird carnal looks.” I chuckled, Claire always had a way with words, “Have you talked to him?”  
“He said hey the other day.”  
“And?”  
“And I said hey back.”  
“Hold on, you whore.” I teased.  
“Oh shut up! I don’t know maybe I’m making it all up in my head.” She sighed.  
“How could he not be into you, I’d say just try to talk to him again, see if it goes anywhere. If not, then you know.” I said, I had absolutely no right to be giving relationship advice but somehow Claire always came to me with her boy problems.  
“You’re right yeah, I’ll see if I can say something more than one syllable tomorrow.”  
After we hung up I laid in bed and flipped through all the channels on my TV, I was grateful dad got me cable for my birthday last year because I loved being able to flip back and forth while watching shows. That may sound sarcastic but it’s not, and especially now that Bella was here, I was even more grateful for my little refuge. I eventually heard a knock at my door though, I realized it was past six.  
“Colly, I was gonna order some Chinese. Want your usual?” Dad asked from the other side of the door.  
“Sounds good.” I called back muting my TV. But I heard him linger. I got up and opened my door. Sure enough he was standing there with a ‘do me a favor’ look on his face.  
“Bells is sitting in the living room, why don’t you go watch TV with her?” He suggested even though I knew it wasn’t really a choice. I sighed and made a face but I hated arguing with my dad, after all he’s done for me. I grabbed my phone and gestured towards the door like ‘okay i’ll go’. He gave a small smile and I followed him back upstairs. Sure enough Bella was sitting very uncomfortable looking on the couch with the TV on in the background, but her nose was in a book. I plopped down on the opposite end and Maggie jumped up on my lap. Dad called the Chinese place and placed an order, our usual Orange chicken for dad and beef lo mien for me, and the new addition of vegetable fried rice. Not very filling but okay I thought to myself knowing it was for Bella. I peaked over and saw she was reading Romeo and Juliet, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, I hated Shakespeare. I know I know, bite my tongue. I opened my mouth to ask what she was reading even though I already saw but i closed it. Why should I have to start the conversation, shouldn’t she put some effort in? Well she is the guest in a new place, maybe I should be courteous. God why is this so hard? What do I even say?   
“So Jake seems nice.” She finally said, almost jumping me.  
“Oh uhm, yeah he is.” I answered, unsure where this was going. Dad had disappeared to the bathroom I’m assuming.  
“Are you two….” She trailed off and now I knew where it was going.  
“No! I-uh, no we’re just good friends.” I said too defensively, she nodded slowly and went back to her book.  
“Are you uh, nervous about school tomorrow?” I asked changing the subject.  
She let out a brief sigh, flickering her eyes, “Yeah, kind of.”  
“It’s not too bad.” I responded, remembering how nervous I was the first day of high school and how lost I got, “Just takes a couple weeks to get used to where everything is. But I’m sure your old high school was three times the size of Forks high.”  
She sighed, “Yeah, probably.”  
We sat in silence for a few minutes, dad had some corny movie on I hadn’t seen before and Bella wasn’t paying the slightest attention. Dad eventually came down and went to go pick up the food, his eyes twinkling with satisfaction that his daughters were in the same room together. I began flipping through the channels and settled on Friends, once again. At least one channel was running old reruns of this show, and it seemed to be neutral ground. After at least half an episode of silence Bella finally broke it.  
“Does it ever stop raining?” She asked making eye contact with me for the first time since she arrived. I couldn’t help but laugh.  
“Er-not really. The sun came out a few weeks ago actually, for a couple hours.” I responded. Her eyes widened in horror as the rain pounded louder on the roof.   
“You get used to it.” I added in attempt to console her, “It took me awhile.”  
She looked a little confused, “How long?”  
“I don’t really know, I just remember feeling like I had moved to a completely different planet, I guess I just tuned it out. Now I love the rain.” I said honestly, “Beats the heat.”  
Bella sighed and leaned her head on her hand. I hoped I wasn’t making her come up with an escape plan.  
“You know dad’s really happy you’re here.” I added hoping it would help. She gave a small smile and nodded.  
“I’m happy to be here too.” She said, I almost believed it.  
~  
Dad had taken off early, I was still half asleep as I poured coffee into my travel mug and toasted a poptart. I filled my water bottle, threw a couple granola bars in my bag, made sure i had my headphones, and least importantly, made sure I had my textbooks for the day. Bella came downstairs outfitting her brand new rain jacket dad had bought her.  
“Cute jacket.” I said, “Coffee?”  
“Uh sure, and thanks, dad picked it out.” She said as she slid into the counter bar stools. I poured some coffee into my spare travel mug (I had plenty seeing as it was always a stocking stuffer gift from my dad) and she wrapped her pale fingers around it, I’m assuming trying to get as much heat as she could before going into the rain. My poptarts popped and I threw them in a napkin, normally I inhaled them on my drive to school.   
“Do you uh, want a ride? Test out the truck?” Bella asked. I felt my car keys bulging in my pocket, but I knew this was the part where I was supposed to try.  
“Uhm, sure that sounds great. I can give you directions.” I said as I poured creamer into my travel mug. I offered her some but she shook her head, she looked relieved I had said yes. I crammed some of the burning poptart into my mouth, slid my black sleek rain jacket over my sweatshirt, pulled my water-resistant sneakers on (watched Bella put on rubber boots), and said goodbye to Maggie.   
“Be good, stay out of the trash.” I said as I kissed the bridge of her snout, she wagged her tail even though she knew it was that time of the day. I followed Bella out of the house and locked the door behind me.  
“Dad give you house keys?” I asked.  
“Yep.” She dangled her keys in her fingers and winced as the rain drizzled down on us. I followed her to the truck and ripped open the rusty orange door. I hadn’t been in this truck in years, Billy had held onto it to give to Jake but Jake had his eager eyes on other projects, something that could actually go over fifty I’m assuming.   
“So you’re gonna want to go towards town,” I said as I watched her struggle to bring the old rust bucket to life, “So just a right out of the driveway.”  
We drove through town in silence, the staticky radio buzzing in the background. We thankfully lived within ten minutes of our school, most kids lived outside of town in the various backroads of the woods, but dad needed to be close to the station. We were one of the first in the parking lot, I assumed she was anxious and just wanted to get here.  
“Where’s your first class?” I asked knowing I had at least half an hour until first period.  
“Er- I don’t know. I have to go to the main office in building 2 to get my schedule.” She answered peering down at the letter they had sent dad.   
“Oh okay well I can show you where that is if you want?” I offered.   
“That would be great, thanks.” She said breathing a sigh of relief. I felt a little bad for her, I could see her hands were visibly shaking from nerves. I never expected her to be this nervous coming from a giant city like Phoenix. I shoved the crumby napkin in my pocket and we poured out of her truck, living in a small rustic town like this her truck wouldn’t even stand out as the worst car in the parking lot. She followed close behind as I escorted her down the sidewalk and up the stairs to building 2. I pushed open the glass door and was greeted by Mrs. Matthews, the secretary.  
“Well good morning ladies!” She gleamed at us, her box-dyed hair curling out from around her thin glasses, “You must be Isabella!”  
“Uh just Bella.” She corrected without missing a beat, I chuckled, it took forever for word to get around that I went by Colly and not Colleen.  
“Right, Bella, let me get your schedule.” Mrs. Matthews said before shuffling through papers on her desk. We didn’t get new students every day, and definitely not the Police chief’s daughter, they must’ve been anticipating her.   
“Here you go hon, and a map of the school.” Mrs. Matthews said with a comforting smile. Bella grabbed them but seemed a little too panicked to read.  
“Can I see?” She graciously handed them to me.  
“Okay so your first period is English.” I said glancing at her schedule, “That’s in building three with… Mr. Mason.”  
“Oh good, I’m good with English.” She sighed and unclenched slightly. I smiled a little, English was my best subject too.   
“I can show you where that is.” I said, she thanked me again and it seemed to help her relax. I thanked Mrs. Matthews once more and led my trembling older sister out of the building.   
“The buildings are not numbered logically unfortunately, but they are labeled pretty clearly. And Mrs. Matthews highlighted your buildings.” I said guiding her to building 3, which was across the parking lot. The main office was almost completely separated from the rest of the school. I had my first class in this building as well, sophomore English.  
“So your classroom is right here.” I said stopping by the vacant, cold room with desks pushed in a circle. Mr. Mason wasn’t even there yet. I tried to explain to her the best I could where the rest of her classes were. I knew she’d get it eventually but I was hoping to make this day as less stressful as possible. So she didn’t come home in a panic and beg to go back to her mom’s.   
“I’m just right down the hall if you want me to show you your next class after first period.” I offered pointing down the hall towards my classroom.   
“No that’s okay, I’ll be fine.” She said a little unconvincingly, “But thanks Colly, this has been a big help.”  
“Yeah no problem.” I said trying to give an affirming smile. I turned to leave but she stopped me.   
“Do we have the same lunch period?” She asked giving a small smirk.  
“Uhm, I think so yeah.” I said looking at her schedule again, “Yeah it’s after third period.”  
“Cool, I’ll uhm, see you then?” She asked.  
“Yeah see you then.” I smiled and gave a small wave. I wasn’t sure if she was asking for a lunch friend because she actually wanted to sit with me, or she just didn’t want to be alone. I shrugged it off, who cares?  
~  
First period English dragged on, we were assigned a crap ton of reading out of Of Mice and Men (which was just the whole book because that thing is tiny but still), Geometry seemed to last forever as well, mostly because I had done all the homework for the week. And then I was off to Chemistry, my least favorite subject. My lab partner, Jackson, was doodling on my paper the entire class while I tried to take notes on ions. He could ace this AP Chem course in his sleep, he comes from a family full of surgeons so it’s no wonder he doesn’t have to try, but no offense to my dad I think he was more obsessed with the girls than he was in Bunsen burners.  
“So I know someone who liiiiikes you.” Jackson whispered to me in a sing-song voice as we walked towards the cafeteria, I nearly dropped my travel mug I was still carrying.  
“Uhm, is it the Lord?” I snorted knowing he was probably messing with me.  
“Nope.” He said with a smug grin spread across his face, causing dimples in his cheeks. “Is it you?” I said blowing a kiss and winking. He rolled his eyes, we both knew that would never happen.  
“You wish babe.” He chuckled, Jackson had dated a couple people but we had definitely established a solid platonic friendship (amidst school rumors).  
“Then who is my secret admirer, and do they need glasses?” I asked as we pushed our way into the cafeteria. I scanned the faces for my pale-faced panicked sister but she was coming from a farther building so she probably wasn’t there yet.   
“Devin.” He said smugly. I rolled my eyes and got in the line for sandwiches to get my every-day tuna sandwich. The lunch ladies sometimes had it ready to go for me. What can I say? I like my routine.  
“Ya okay.” I snorted. Devin was Mona from the diner’s son, a total dreamboat since he hit his last-summer’s growth spurt. His faced chiseled out and he turned into the school’s soccer star after spending every day practicing at the school’s field. He had let his black curls grow out so they gave him a couple extra inches in height. Every girl was after him.  
“I’m serious Colly. I heard from Makayla who’s friends with Jessie who talked to his brother.” Jackson said as if that would be convincing. I scoffed again and moved along in line, grabbing some salad bar as we moved forward. My stomach flipped a little but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I mean, how could he go after me? The entire girls volleyball team is right there.   
“Jackson that’s so high school.” I shook my head.  
“Well we are in high school.” He responded. I quickly changed the subject.  
“So anyway, keep an eye out for Bella I said I’d sit with her.” I said as Tracy, the lunch lady plopped my sandwich on my trey with a smile. I thanked her as she started making Jackson’s egg salad.  
“Don’t change the subject, you gotta talk to him!” Jackson persisted. I ignored him and took my food to start looking for Bella, soon I spotted the new rain jacket and rubber boots clunking into the cafeteria.   
“Look you can talk to him if you want? He’s all yours, but I’m not gonna fall for whatever kind of sick joke the popular kids are playing on me.” I said as i brushed him off and walked over to Bella, but he kept on my tail.  
“Hey how was your morning?” I asked, she gave a small smile, but she still seemed a little uneasy, “This is my friend Jackson by the way, ignore him.”  
“Hi,” she gave Jackson a small wave, “Uhm, it was okay. The people here are pretty… abrasive.”  
“We don’t really get a lot of new students.” Jackson added over my shoulder.  
“I was gonna sit with this girl I met, Jessica, and a couple others. Do you want to come?”  
I knew who she was referencing, Jess and their little junior clique. Bella had worked her way into the popular crowd, props to her. I didn’t want to say no, so I hoped her friends wouldn’t scoff at a couple of sophomores sitting with them.  
“I’m gonna go bug Makayla again, maybe I can get more info, but you have fun,” Jackson snickered at me and turned to Bella, “It was nice to meet you.”  
He trotted off and settled in with the sophomore popular clique, I felt my face grow hot as Devin and I made eye contact but I quickly looked away. No, there’s no way. I shook it off and explained to Bella the cafeteria set up. She settled on grabbing a salad and a juice, and I asked her about her classes.  
“They were fine. I have read all of the books on the English syllabus so that should be easy. Uhm, trig was fine, that’s where I met Jess. She seems nice. Do you know her?” She said as she carefully placed carrots and cherry tomatoes around her romaine. Weird but okay.  
“A little, she’s always been a grade above me since I came here so we never really talked.” I said, I didn’t really want to admit I was a loser with no friends so there’s no reason for the popular cliques to talk to me.   
“And then I had gym which was… well I’m not exactly the most coordinated so it wasn’t my favorite.” She said finishing up her salad.  
“Well that’s one thing we have in common.” I said remembering the pain that freshman gym was. I was hit with many a dodgeball, specifically in the face. And I was always picked last. I loved the mile run though, when I’m left alone and can just… be me. Then exercising is okay. She gave a small smile at my comment and scanned for the table where Jess and the rest of the gang was sitting. My stomach flipped. But Jess eagerly waved, Mike Newton was there too grinning at Bella and blushing. I rolled my eyes, of course the boys were all over her, she’s new territory.  
“Hey guys, this is my sister, is it okay if she joins us?” Bella asked gesturing towards me, it felt weird to hear someone call me their sister. A good weird though.  
“Yeah sure.” Jess said, the girl next to her, Angela I think her name was, nodded in agreement.  
“Yeah of course.” Angela said moving her bag out of a seat. I sat next to bella and awkwardly picked at my salad. I had never sat over here before. I listened to them chatter Bella’s ear off about wanting to get an interview with her for a school paper. Angela was the photographer, and Eric who was another wolf out to get Bella, was the writer. But Bella flushed green at the sound of being on the paper.  
“No, no feature.” She chuckled nervously. “Seriously I’m no news.”  
“Alright no problem, no feature.” Eric shrugged it off and turned to Mike to talk. Jess was questioning Bella about her old high school and what Arizona guys were like.  
“I don’t know, same as boys here I guess, I never really talked to any of them.” Bella admitted, the boys at the table turned their attention to that door slamming on them. I couldn’t help but feel smug.   
“No way, never?” Jess continued.   
“Nope, never really had an interest.” Bella admitted sheepishly. The girls continued to talk about the paper, Bella suggested they interview the sports teams for steroids and eating disorders, I couldn’t help but laugh at her candid suggestion. Suddenly the cafeteria doors whipped open and Bella turned her head, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping slightly. It was the most alive I had seen her yet.   
“Who are they?” Bella asked me. I turned to see the group she was talking about. The Cullens.  
“Oh those are the Cullens.” I said, “They’re uh adopted by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Cullen works at the hospital in town. They moved here from like Alaska a couple years ago.”  
I watched as the group entered. Everyone knew who the Cullens were. And not really in a good way. They walked in pairs. Jess took over explaining who they were.  
“The first two, the blonde girl and the really big dude? That’s Rosalie and Emmett. And the two behind them, the pointy-haired girl and the guy who looks like he’s always in pain? That’s Alice, she’s really weird, and that’s Jasper.” Jess explained giving that ‘these people are weird don’t talk to them’ look that we were all expressing “They’re all adopted but they’re like… together together. It’s weird.”  
“It’s not like they’re siblings.” Angela added.  
“Still Ang it’s weird.” Jess grimaced, I couldn’t help but agree.   
“And who’s that?” Bella pressed on. I looked up and saw Mr. Dreamboat walk through the door, I couldn’t help but snort.   
“That’s Edward Cullen.” Jess said with a change of tone, “He’s single but apparently no one in this school is good enough for him… Not that I care.”  
I rolled my eyes, I knew every girl in this school seemed to be infatuated with Edward. But there was something off about him that made me want to be as far away from him as possible. He flashed his dark eyes over at our table and I followed his gaze, it was directly on Bella as he walked through the cafeteria with his family and to the table they always sat at.  
“Don’t even try.” Jess said to Bella.  
“I wasn’t planning on it.” Bella chuckled nervously. I tried to ignore how unconvincing she was and started devouring my tuna sandwich.  
~  
By the end of the day at least a dozen people had pestered me about my sister, the new girl. I brushed most of them off, I mean, there wasn’t much to tell. I beat Bella to her truck, I remembered she had to go to the main office again to pass in her slips that told the office she actually went to her classes today. I leaned against the wet orange door and let the rain fall on my face, it was the end of the day who cared if it messed up my makeup? I watched as students poured into their vehicles and tore out of the wet parking lot, some purposefully splashing kids walking by. I scanned the crowd looking for Bella but my eyes caught another pair that were staring me down with intensity, and what looked like hatred. I quickly looked away and turned to lean on my shoulder so I wasn’t facing him anymore. What was Edward Cullen staring at me like that for? I pulled out my phone and saw I had a couple texts from Jackson still bugging me to bug Devin. But I didn’t believe it. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and Bella finally came around the corner.  
“Sorry, sorry, there was… someone in line.” She stammered, she was a mess from when I left her a couple hours ago. I watched as she stumbled to the drivers side and unlocked the truck, briefly turning and staring in the same direction I was avoiding.   
“Are you okay?” I asked as we poured into the dry truck. She angrily fought with the ignition to get it to turn on and I blasted the heat.  
“Yeah I’m fine.” She said bitterly. I figured I shouldn’t press her. I turned one last time to see if Cullen was still staring.  
He was.


	4. Chapter 4

I tried to ignore the sour mood Bella was in for the rest of the week, and I was grateful when Edward didn’t show his face at school. I hadn’t got her to explain exactly what put her in that charming mood, but I figured if she wanted to talk she would. At the end of the week I was back to sitting with Jackson at our normal table, but one day as I was beginning to eat my tuna sandwich someone different sat down next to me. I thought I was at the wrong table at first but I looked up and nearly spat out my sandwich. It was Devin. Tall, beautiful Devin  
“Hey Colly.” he said flashing a smile, he set his tray down, it had pizza and chocolate milk. Some diet for an athlete I thought, but it was cute, he wasn’t all about protein powder like the rest of the jockheads.  
“Uhm, hey Devin.” I said after swallowing my food god I better not have anything stuck in my teeth. “What’s up?”  
“I just uhm,” he stammered for a second and fiddled with his pizza crust, “I wanted to see if you wanted to uh, study for the geometry test.”  
My stomach flipped, was this a date or was he desperate for a tutor, “Uh, sure, I guess did you need help?”  
He laughed and looked at me, “No, I mean kind of but, I thought maybe we could study after school and then… go to a movie.”  
Now my stomach was completely flipping, this sounded like a date to me. Or was it a prank?  
“Oh, gee.” I blurted, a little in shock, he waited for an actual answer.  
“Sure, uhm, sure Devin that sounds like fun.” I agreed, mostly trying to convince myself. He flashed a smile, his cheeks flushing red.  
“So, tomorrow?” He asked.  
“Tomorrow sounds good.” I confirmed.   
“Mind if I sit with you today?” He asked.  
“Uhm, sure yeah.” I said even though he was already sitting. It was the most we ever talked to each other.  
No one else joined our table for the rest of lunch, I assumed Jackson had something to do with it. I learned Devin was bussing at the diner to raise money to go to an actual soccer camp this summer, one in Southern California. I thought that was pretty cool. He actually asked about my interests. I lied and said I liked to just hangout. I couldn’t admit my hobbies were writing in my diary or writing short geeky stories. But we bonded over having a lame teacher together.  
“Have you caught the way he says Pythagorus? Is that even how you say that?” Devin snickered. Mr. Huber did have a weird way of saying things, but who’s to say that’s not how it was actually pronounced?   
The bell rang before I could come up with a response, thankfully.   
“So I guess I’ll see you later.” I said giving a small wave while I slipped my bag on and grabbed my empty tray. I had been too nervous to eat most of my sandwich and salad so I was glad I had a couple emergency granola bars in my bag. I knew Mrs. Danforth wouldn’t mind if I ate during painting, as long as I kept it away from the canvases.  
“See ya.” He said. I tried to keep my face neutral as I turned to leave. What had just happened? Do I have a date? I basically ran out of the cafeteria hoping Jackson wouldn’t catch up with me and pester me about everything we talked about. I mean, I always thought Devin was kind of cute but I’m not sure if he’s even my type, or rather, I know I’m not his type. Why would he even go for me? Maybe he wants to copy my equation answers for the Geometry test but is trying to butter me up first. I mean, buying me popcorn and candy is a good way to do that. Maybe it’s all a big prank, but like, why me?  
These questions continued to pile and buzz through my brain for the rest of the day. I plugged my headphones in for most of painting class and practiced my shadows, I was always terrible at shading but Mrs. Danforth mostly just graded me for effort. She was by far my favorite teacher in school, mostly because she let us actually have free reign over our daily projects as long as it was art related. Plus I had her to thank for teaching me how to make rather cheap gifts, I had a couple paintings saved to give dad for Christmas. One of Maggie as best as I could manage, and the other a portrait of the house. They were… bad to say the least but I knew he wouldn’t care. And Mrs. Danforth gave me A’s for both of them.  
After I got home and tried (unsuccessfully) to make small talk with Bella about how her classes were going, I decided to take Maggie for a walk. It was drizzling but I didn’t care, and Maggie loved playing in the puddles. So thankfully that took up most of the afternoon. Dad was working late so I studied at the kitchen table while Bella offered to make dinner. As she boiled the water for alfredo I looked up to see her leaning against the counter, fiddling with her hair, and staring at me.  
“Can I ask you a question?” She said awkwardly. I took my headphones out and put my bookmark in Of Mice and Men even though I was mostly done with the book after about an hour of reading. I was probably going to have to read it a second time and annotate more to try and pull anything out for an essay.   
“Uh, sure yeah.” I said casually, she shifted and crossed her arms. Her eyes were still as sullen as when she first got here, but her complexion seemed to indicate she was getting used to the cold weather. I mean, it was starting to get warmer now it was near the end of March.  
“What do you know about the Cullens?” She asked, her eyebrows raising in inquisition. Didn’t think that was where this conversation was heading.  
“Uh, well I know dad likes them.” I said honestly, he raved about what a great addition to the community it was to have Dr. Cullen working at our hospital, and he was always happy knowing he didn’t have to worry about the teens as they never went anywhere except school and home. I found it more weird than good but it was better than adding to the delinquency of most of the teens around here.  
“And they seem really smart. They’re the top of their classes.” I added, recounting how grateful Jackson was that they were all in grades above us or he probably wouldn’t be a shoo-in for valedictorian. Bella scoffed a little at this comment, I wondered if she was jealous.  
“Why?” I asked after she didn’t say anything. I watched as her mouth frowned.  
“Nothing uhm, Edward is my biology partner.” She admitted, I was a little stunned by this. It was kind of a running joke around school how the Cullens were never partnered with anyone else except each other, somehow the teachers always complied. Most assumed Dr. Cullen paid the school off or something so they treated the Cullens like royalty. My theory was they were so intimidating no teacher dared displease them.  
“Wow, how’s that going?” I asked. She made a face.  
“Er-good, yeah Edward seems to be… pretty smart.” Her face flushed as she said this, I was starting to think she just wanted to hear about Edward.   
“But yeah they mostly keep to themselves, pretty mysterious bunch.” I sad opening my book back up, she continued to hover but I didn’t really have more information to give her. All I had heard the past couple years were rumors, most were a little outlandish like the Cullens were serial killers on the run and that’s why the settled on a small town. But there were enough rumors about me for me to know that rumors were rumors for a reason. Bella turned to go back to the stove but I felt a little bad for giving them a bad rep.  
“Just, ignore the rumors. They seem to be nice people.” I added trying to ignore how creepy Edward was acting the other day. She gave a small smile.  
“Yeah, thanks.” She said before going back to the kitchen. I eyed her suspiciously wondering why she was blushing so much. I shook it off and figured it was the standard initial crush basically every person got on at least one of the Cullens. Most crushed on Edward because he was the only single one. I remember feeling dazzled by Rosalie the first day they came to school, mostly because she’s something out of a Renaissance painting. I hoped she didn’t get her hopes up.  
~  
I spent the entire night and next day in an anxious confused state until it was finally the end of the day. I had told dad I was hanging out with a friend after school and he didn’t push anymore than that, luckily he was so occupied with making sure Bella was healthily adjusting that he forgot he had another teenage daughter. But I had never so much as broken curfew before so most of it was hopefully trust and not neglect.  
I awkwardly hovered in the library, one of the only places that stayed open after school for students to hangout, waiting to see if Devin was actually going to show up or if really had been a prank. I was prepared mostly for the latter, I had plenty of homework to get ahead on and had no problem casually writing this afternoon off as well spent rather than a disappointment. I pulled out my laptop to start in on typing up my notes I had taken today when Devin’s familiar jogging pants swooshed beside me.  
“Hey.” He smiled sitting down in the seat next to me, he was wearing his school soccer team sweatshirt, I was mostly convinced he didn’t own any clothing outside of the athletic variety. I couldn’t say anything, I never wore anything except jeans and a hoodie. I tried to wear something relatively nice, put a little extra makeup on this morning, but not too much in case it was all a rouse.   
“Hey.” I said shutting my laptop so he didn’t see the writing I had up from last night. My hands were starting to sweat.  
“How are you?” He asked biting his lip.  
“Oh uhm, I’m good. How are you?” I asked, in reality I was tired from lack of afternoon coffee, and hungry since I ate lunch hours ago and I normally always had a second lunch when I got home. But I didn’t want to admit that.  
“Good.” He said. We sat awkwardly in silence for a moment. I wasn’t really sure what the plan was. Were we studying or going to a movie? He seemed to have the same thought.  
“So there’s a showing of Game of Roses in about an hour if you want to go see that? I figured we could take my car.” He asked tapping his fingers against the table. I tried to hide my face because the last thing I wanted to see was Game of Roses, some stupid fantasy movie I’ve heard is gushing with gross sex scenes and abusive relationships. But I didn’t want to scare him off.  
“Sure. Should we uhm, just head over?” I asked putting on a fake smile.  
“Okay.” He nodded and exhaled. I packed up my stuff quickly and tried to shake off the mild disappointment that I wouldn’t be getting ahead on my homework. Maybe I’ll get home early, it is Friday after all I can stay up late. I hated how much of a nerd I was. Embry and Quil always picked on me for it, but Jake never judged me. I felt a slight twinge in my mood, I hadn’t talked to Jake in awhile I couldn’t help but miss him. If he were here we could spend the whole movie making fun of how gross and corny it was, our favorite past time.  
I followed Devin out of the library and towards the parking lot, I felt a rush of panic through me as I realized I was getting in a car with someone new. I glanced over at my car sitting solely on the other side of the parking lot.  
“How about I meet you over there?” I blurted pointing to my car, he looked confused but agreed. I couldn’t help but feel a thousand times more relaxed, that way if the date really sucked I could just leave whenever I wanted. That made me feel better, until I realized this really was a date. I had never been on a date before. Oh my god I was about to go on my first date! The panic started again. I stumbled awkwardly over to my car knowing his eyes were on me. I threw my bag in the trunk out of paranoia that someone would see my bag in the backseat and break into my car while we were in the theatre (thanks dad for instilling paranoia in me). That’s what I get for being a daughter of a cop.   
I followed him over to the theatre across town and tried to calm myself down in the meantime, but knowing I was embarking on a milestone of my teenage years that I would probably remember for the rest of my life was doing quite the opposite of calming me down. I pulled into the parking lot and parked near Devin’s Subaru. I desperately wanted to call Claire and ask for advice but I assumed it would be weird for me to make a call while he waited outside my car. Maybe I could sneak a text in. I pulled my phone out but Devin had walked over to my car. Damn. I grabbed my keys and was thankful I brought my debit card to school every day in case of emergencies. Plus most of the time I stopped at the convenience store down the road to get a soda or something for the afternoon.  
I put on the best smile I could and got out of the car, thankfully since it was the early afternoon the theatre was mostly empty. He bought our tickets and I offered to buy us snacks but he insisted on paying for those too. I wasn’t going to fight him on it. It reminded me of all the times Jake insisted on paying because I drove us. It was always a running gag between us to race each other to the ticket booth. Whenever he won I usually bought us dinner or ice cream after. Jake was a match for my stomach which is what I loved about him.   
“You can get it next time.” He suggested with a smirk as he bought me a soda and popcorn. I felt a little bad when all he ordered was a soda, but he probably figured I’d share the popcorn. Fat chance.  
We got first pick of seats, I always loved sitting in the front but no one other than Jake would sit up there with me. We settled on sitting smack dab in the middle. The standard advertisements played in the background as we awkwardly tried to come up with conversation topics. I asked him about his parents but seeing as I knew both of his parents it was a rather quick conversation, he asked about mine and I very obviously only talked about my dad. I tried not to talk too much about being Chief Swan’s daughter but there was no point in trying to cover it up. He might as well know now I’m not gonna be a source of illegal amusement any time soon.   
Prom came up and we brushed by it, I didn’t really know if I was going and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to ask me. I mean I would probably say yes if he did, I’d rather have a date than go by myself.  
He asked about college but I had no idea where I wanted to go. I lied and said I hadn’t really thought about it even though I had been thinking about it nonstop since eighth grade.   
“I would go out of state but it’s so much more expensive.” I said trying not to plow all the popcorn in my mouth before the movie even started.  
“What do you want to major in?” He asked stealing a couple pieces.  
“English. But that doesn’t really seem to be something that’s gonna pay the bills, you know? So I thought I’d try like Psychology or something, maybe become a therapist. But I just love English, so I might double major, or minor in something like finance.” I rambled, “What about you?”  
“I don’t know, I’m mostly interested in soccer.” He responded plainly. I felt a little silly for ranting. He didn’t seem to talk too much. A lot like dad. I shuddered at that comparison and chose to focus on the fact that dad and Devin looked absolutely nothing alike. Devin had beautiful dark ebony skin, I felt a little self-conscious with my blindly pale arms next to him.   
I tried to run through topics to talk about, I never really experienced this before. I became friends with Jake almost without a choice since Billy and dad are best friends and I’d see them every weekend, at every holiday and party, if Jake and I didn’t like each other it would’ve been a long childhood. And Jake was friends with Embry and Quil from school, and Quil was technically Jake’s second cousin but they didn’t really talk about that. And I was always just… there so they eventually became friends with me. So really the only friend I have who didn’t have a choice is Claire. That made me feel a little self-conscious. Even Jackson was only friends with me because we were chemistry partners. I tried to shake that thought and tried to convince myself that they wouldn’t keep inviting me places if they didn’t really like me.  
The movie was starting and I awkwardly held my hands in my lap around my popcorn, trying to keep my body as far away from his as the seat allowed. I wasn’t trying to be rude but I didn’t even know how I felt about being here, and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable if he wanted to hold my hand. I’ve never held a boys hand before. Except Jakes a couple times as a joke. I shook that thought off as it made me flush. I wondered what he was up to.  
~  
The movie seemed to last for the entire night. I tried to hide my exuding discomfort every time one of the couples had sex, or kissed, or said anything slightly romantic. Devin had shifted closer to me over the course of the movie and extended his hand like he wanted me to take it but I just gripped the popcorn tin harder and nervously ate the cold popcorn. I had no idea what even happened by the time the film ended, but I was just glad it was over. I practically leapt out of my seat, I just wanted to go home. We exchanged awkward glances and I followed him out of the theatre. I threw my mostly empty bucket and cup in the trash as only a couple other people piled out. I was glad no one was there to witness the awkwardness. We slowly walked out to the parking lot and I wasn’t sure how to politely say goodbye and run to my car. It was weird emerging from the movies while it was still daylight, I assumed only old people saw early showings.  
“So how’d you like the movie?” He asked as we lingered by my car. I fiddled with my keys and stood by the drivers side.  
“It was okay, not really my type of movie. You?” I said honestly. I didn’t want to get wrapped into another creepy fantasy movie if we did go out again.  
“Yeah not really my type either but it was either this or that kids movie about the dog wanting to be a pilot.” He chuckled. I didn’t want to admit that crappy kids movie would’ve been a thousand times more enjoyable. We continued to linger as more cars pulled in for the evening showings. I half wondered if he wanted me to go to an early showing so that none of his friends would see us.  
“So do you want to do this again sometime?” He asked stepping closer to me. I panicked. Did I?  
“Sure, yeah that sounds fun.” I said trying to hide the unevenness in my voice. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?  
“Alright, I’ll text you.” He said with a small smile, he started to lean in but I quickly opened my car door.  
“Thanks for everything.” I gave a small wave and almost threw myself into the drivers seat. He looked a little disappointed and I felt a little bad, maybe he just wanted a hug. He waved and closed my door, I watched him go to his car and drive off before I pulled my phone and immediately dialed Claire’s number. I needed her to tell me what to do.  
Claire and I talked on the phone for what seemed like an hour as I begged her to tell me what to do.  
“Well do you like him?” She asked after I described him as much as I could. I didn’t really come up with much other than he likes junk food and soccer.  
“I don’t know. Maybe? I mean he’s like the most fought over guy at school.” I sighed, it was starting to get darker now as the parking lot filled. I kept my lights off so no one would see me sitting by myself talking on the phone. I ignored how freezing my car had gotten and tucked my hands into my pockets with Claire on speaker.  
“Yeah but none of that matters really.”   
“Well how am I supposed to know if I like him? Am I supposed to know after one date? Am I weird?” I rambled in a panic.  
“I mean, I’ve been on a few first dates and if there wasn’t a spark I usually didn’t go out with them again.” She explained. I never had to ask for relationship advice before but Claire had dated a couple people before. Plus she seemed to know everything.  
“Ugh Claire I don’t know what to do.” I groaned.  
“I say maybe hang out with him one more time, get food or something so you can actually talk. If after that you still don’t feel anything for him, then there’s your answer.” Claire said like it was obvious, it was genius.  
“The answer being I should keep going out with him so I’m not alone?” I said half jokingly.  
“Oh my god Colly no.” Claire laughed, “Just, if he asks you out again suggest going to dinner or grabbing coffee at like Debbie’s cafe. That way you guys can talk, or not talk, and then you’ll know.”  
“Yeah I guess, can you go on the date for me?” I said, she laughed again.  
“You’ll be fine Colly, but if he’s a bad kisser or constantly grabs at his junk, run.”   
I could’t help but laugh, “Noted.”


	5. Bella's accident

Dad and I pulled into the familiar muddy driveway of the Blacks, I held a cold blueberry pie in my lap I made last night, and dad grabbed the six pack of beer he picked up from the corner store. I had gladly accepted to come hang out here for the day to try and distract myself from the whole Devin debacle. He had texted me last night saying he had a good time and I said I did too but that was basically the end of the conversation. We trudged our way through the mud and were greeted by Billy, opening the rusty front door for us.  
“Good I wasn’t going to let you in unless you brought booze.” Billy chuckled a hearty laugh that boomed.  
“Oh no this is just for me.” Dad joked as he handed the pack to Billy who set it in his lap, he wheeled himself back and made room for me and dad to walk in.  
“Colly brought a pie, blueberries were on sale.” Dad added as I set the pie on the counter. After the movie yesterday I went to the store to try and find something ambitious to make to calm me down. After almost spilling the blueberries all over the counter it at least moved my stress from Devin to blueberry disaster.   
“Why couldn’t you take after your dad and be a lousy cook huh? I’ve got you to thank for this.” Billy laughed and gestured toward his stomach.  
“Well dad you could share.” I turned and saw Jake stumble out of his bedroom. My heart jumped as the familiar black eyes met my gaze. I wanted to tell him everything about my weird maybe relationship but we didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff. I mean, I never really had an opportunity before. I wondered if he had been in this situation and just hasn’t told me.  
“Fat chance son.” Billy said as he wheeled over and peered under the tinfoil. I was just grateful people actually enjoyed my cooking, or Billy was a really good liar.   
“Games on in five, Harry is bringing over a casserole Sue made.” Billy added as he and my dad made their way over to the TV and continued chattering.  
“Wanna come see the rabbit? I’ve made some progress.” Jake gleamed at me as he snuck a bite of pie. I smacked his hand and covered the pie back up.  
“Hell yeah.” I smiled and slipped out the door behind Jake, not that dad would care. Every time we came here dad and Billy chattered like old biddies and Jake and I snuck off to his garage, sometimes we’d do homework, but mostly I’d watch him tinker with his projects as I talked his ear off. We trudged through the mud and he pushed open the heavy wooden door of his garage. I took my usual spot on the old couch he bought from a neighbor and he slid over on his work stool.  
“So how’s the sister?” He snickered as he sifted through his tools.  
“You know damn well how the sister is Jacob.” I glared at him and snickered back, knowing he hated it when I called him Ja-cob.   
“I hear you’re best friends.” He retorted waving a wrench at me.  
“Yes actually we’re getting matching tattoos tomorrow, we’re thinking swans.” I joked and felt a little bad, “She’s not bad actually, most keeps to herself actually. A lot like dad.”  
He nodded and listened, one thing I loved about Jake was he always listened to my rambling, I resisted immediately diving into my newest dilemma.   
I shook it off and walked over to his current project, “So what’s new.”  
“New parts, and,” he slid over and gestured with his tan arms, “I put in the seats.”  
“Oh awesome!” I gleamed and plopped in the newly installed cushioned seats. I watched as he rolled up his flannel sleeves and dug through his tool box, sliding around the concrete floor on his work stool.   
“So what’s new with you? I haven’t talked to you lately?” He asked grabbing a grease towel and throwing it over his shoulder. He pushed his hair behind his shoulders so it wouldn’t get in the way of the engine, something that annoyed the hell out of him but he didn’t want to cut it. I shifted uneasily in the seat and quickly ran through the pros of cons of telling him. Pros: Well he’s my friend, my best friend. He probably can offer advice from the guys’ side of things. Cons: What if he gets mad? I don’t know why he would get mad it’s not like we’re dating or anything. God why is this so uncomfortable?  
“Uhm well, I went to the movies last night.” I said vaguely.   
“Oh yeah? What did you see?” He asked not phased at all, wiping the grease off a wrench.  
“That stupid Game of Roses movie that just came out.” I said still wondering if I needed to disclose the fact that I might be dating someone.  
“Oh my god you went to see that hunk of garbage? Why?” He laughed as he stuck his arm in the hood. After all these years I still didn’t even know how to change my oil (I always just ask Jake to do it).  
I hesitated but decided to rip the band-aid off, “Uhm some guy asked me if I wanted to go see it.”  
He shifted and kept his eyes glued to what he was working on “Oh.”  
We were silent for a few moments and I didn’t know what to say but he finally beat me to it, “So are you like, dating this guy?”  
“No.” I said a little too quickly, “I don’t think so. It was just one date.”  
“But you like him?” He said plainly, still not looking at me. Ah the age old question.  
“Maybe. I don’t know. He seems nice but. I don’t know.” I said honestly, fumbling with my hands.  
“Well, good for you. You should go out with him.” He said. I felt a little shocked. I didn’t know what I expected. Maybe I had hoped he would tell me not to go out with Devin. I don’t know why he would, maybe I was just projecting as my therapist tells me.  
“Maybe.” I said quietly staring into my hands. We didn’t talk for a few minutes. It was weird. I kind of felt like crying. I should have kept my mouth shut.   
Eventually we moved on to just chatting about school, I didn’t bring up Devin or the movies or boys in general again. He eventually looked me in the eyes but everything was still off for the rest of the night. We ate Sue’s casserole in silence and I played on my phone until my dad wanted to ‘hit the hay’. When we got home my phone buzzed, Devin texted and asked if I wanted to do something Monday after school. I sighed and remembered what Claire… and Jake had said, I might as well take the plunge.   
Sounds good! Do you want to go to Becky’s Cafe? I do owe you :)  
I sent it feeling surprisingly good. Maybe this could work.  
~

Devin and I texted a bit over the rest of the weekend, it seemed to be easier to talk over text when I wasn’t making an awkward idiot out of myself in person. I spent most of Sunday trying to work through this whole dating mess in my journal. I wrote for hours going back and forth, but I went back and realized I spent a majority of it wondering why Jake didn’t seem to care. I mean, he’s my friend, shouldn’t he care even a little? Any reaction would’ve been better than what I got. Maybe I was just overreacting. I kept checking my phone hoping he would text me saying something like Sorry I was weird the other day or Do whatever makes you happy, do you want to talk about it?  
But he never texted. I texted Claire asking for an update on her boy situation after realizing I had gotten too wrapped up into myself to bother to ask her about… Paul I think his name was. Apparently she had been ‘presenting’ herself to him at school nonstop but he had dodged all of her glances. I told her that he didn’t deserve her flirtatious glances and she should find someone who’ll send her glances back. Claire deserved the world I was shocked this guy wasn’t paying attention to her.  
Monday dragged on forever, Jackson harassed me in chemistry about the Devin and I situation and I tried to dodge his questions. I pretended like I didn’t know who Devin was until he got so annoyed he did the entire lab himself. Devin gave me a small wave and a smile when he walked into geometry and I waved back but he took his usual seat in the back, which was understandable because I sat in the front row. He sat with his normal group at lunch and I was suddenly paranoid I had made the whole second date thing up, but he came over as Jackson and I were getting up and said he’d meet me at my car after last period. Unfortunately that gave Jackson plenty of ammunition to harass me all the way through painting class.  
“You gotta give me something c’mon, my love life is completely dry I need to live vicariously through you.” Jackson groaned as we set up our stations and Mrs. Danforth was settling into her desk.  
“Jackson look we went on one date, we’re hanging out today, end of story.” I whispered as the rest of the kids were piling in, most of them were the artsy kids who kept to themselves, and a few slackers just looking for extra credit, Jackson being one of them.  
“Well do you like him?” He pried leaning directly into wet paint. I pointed it out but he ignored it, “It’s fine it looks groovy."  
That age old question was really getting old, I opened my mouth to tell him to get off my case but Mrs. Danforth interrupted (I loved her even more). Jackson continued to pester me throughout class but I brushed him off and tried to focus on my practice of the day, flowers. All of my roses came out looking like red blobs but I wrote that off as being ambiguous.   
I zoned out the entirety of Spanish class while we watched Frozen in Spanish, the songs were surprisingly catchy even in a foreign language. I mostly doodled after I did the required amount of paying attention and note-taking. I was trying to concentrate on things to look for during the date. If he talks while he eats that’s a no go, but if he orders the strongest coffee on the menu then it’s a yes-go. I kept picturing his face and trying to decide if that caused any butterflies, but I think it mostly the nerves. I knew it wasn’t supposed to be this hard. But I had the tendency to overthink everything so I was probably just being… me.   
Devin was waiting by my car by the time I got out to the rainy, cold parking lot. I zipped my jacket up a little tighter and threw my hat on, hoping it didn’t smoosh my hair down in a weird way.  
“Hey, how was your day?” Devin asked as I walked up beside him. I was trying to ignore how freezing it was outside. I noticed Bella standing over by her crappy red truck digging around her pockets for her keys. I couldn’t help but look over and sure enough Edward was leaning against his Volvo staring at her. I shuddered and pretended I didn’t see anything, I feel like if I told her she’d freak out.  
“So long, typical Monday. You?” I asked pulling my hood over my head to get out of the wet breeze. He was just wearing a sweatshirt and I couldn’t help but think he was insane.   
“Long, I’ve been looking forward to this all day.” He said shifting back and forth awkwardly, I thought it was cute he seemed nervous.  
“Yeah, me too.” I said mostly truthfully, “I can drive us over if you want?”   
He opened his mouth to respond but a loud screeching of tires burning jerked both of our attention. A giant van that belonged to Tyler Crowley came tearing around the corner, I stood frozen in shock as I saw it swerve and catch the black ice. Everyone had turned to watch, we couldn’t do anything, within a second he had crashed into…  
“Oh my god that’s my sister’s truck!” I yelled as I ran over to the accident. My heart was pounding in my ears. I pushed through the crowd of worried students, most chattering about calling 911, I hoped someone had and this wasn’t just some bystander effect. I could see Tyler’s head was bleeding, but he was talking and trying to get out of the car. Everyone was yelling for him to wait for the ambulance. I finally got through to Bella. She was on the ground.  
“Bella are you okay?!” I yelled as I ran around the pinched truck and knelt beside her. She looked around confused but there was no blood.  
“Uhm, I’m fine. I’m fine.” She stammered looking around still as if she was looking for someone specific, I assumed she was in shock. I heard someone say the ambulance was on its way, which also meant the wrath of dad was on its way.  
“What happened?” I asked even though she knew just as much as I did.  
“Edward… saved me. He pushed me out of the way.” She said to me, I realized she was frantically looking for him. But I kind of assumed she was in shock. I worked on just keeping her still as we waited for the ambulance.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a couple weeks since Bella’s ‘accident’ (I’m hesitant to even call it an accident because she walked away without even a cut but dad describes it as a near death experience), and things were getting even weirder with her. I mean, she’s been hanging out with… Edward Cullen all the time. Her and Edward were now hanging out outside of school, he had been giving her rides, she had been sneaking out when dad wasn’t home (to be with him I assumed). It was weird. Edward was always in my house. I never thought a Cullen would step foot in our house, let alone be dating my sister. Devin and I were officially on the girlfriend/boyfriend school roster, I was even hanging out with his popular crew at lunch (although I hid behind my sandwich and prayed for the bell to ring early every day). We’d gone on a few dates but they were still… awkward. But I guess that’s just how first boyfriends are (although Bella and Edward seem to be on a much more… intense track). The way he looks at her… I shudder just thinking about it.   
The weekend rolled around once again and I called Jake and asked if he wanted to hang out. I was worried I had been neglecting my La Push friends since Devin had demanded a lot of my weekend attention. He sounded weird on the phone but said I could come over. I texted Embry and asked if he wanted to join, I figured the more people there the more distractions I would have from all the weirdness at home. Anything was better than sitting around while Bella and Edward stared intensely at each other on the living room couch while dad obliviously drank his beer and flipped through the sports channels.   
I texted Devin out of girlfriend obligation and let him know what I was doing, although he also seemed weird about me going to the reservation, but that wasn’t stopping me. Bella was flipping through some Bronte book at the kitchen table as I tried not to notice she was clearly waiting for Edward to show up and not actually reading the book. I waved to dad and practically tore out of the driveway, it had been way too long since I made the drive. I cranked my mix CD I had burned years ago but still never got sick of and soon I was pulling into Embry’s small dirt driveway. He ran out his front door, calling something to his mom, before I could even put my car in park. I couldn’t help but smile seeing my friend. He looked taller, was that even possible?   
“Hey chica, haven’t seen you in awhile.” He smiled as he cranked the heat in my car and put his hands towards the fans blowing hot air. It was always nice seeing his jade eyes gleaming back at me.  
“I know, how are things?” I asked feeling a wave of guilt for being so neglectful.  
“School sucks, the normal, I’ve been feeling off lately.” He said trailing off with a frown across his olive face, “But it’s almost over right?”  
“Yeah, thankfully.” I lied, I hated summer breaks, there never was enough things to keep me occupied. I mean normally I enjoyed having the house to myself all day until dad got home, but now that Bella was here? It was going to be weird. Especially if she had company over…  
“Prom’s coming up, you got a date?” I asked quickly shaking off the dreadful thought of spending all day everyday in a small house with the creepy couple.   
He laughed sarcastically , “Fuck that. I’m not going to Prom.”  
“Aw c’mon why not? It’s… and experience.” I said but in reality, I didn’t want to go either. I mean I guess I was trapped now, that’s what I get for getting a boyfriend in the spring.   
“Yeah okay.” He rolled his eyes and then looked at me curiously, “Have you talked to Jake recently?”  
“Uh, I called him to see if he was free today, but it’s been a while, why?” I asked.  
“Nothing I just, hadn’t talked to him much.” Embry responded curiously, I could tell there was more to the story.  
I pulled into the muddy driveway and turned off my car, Embry and I darted into Jake’s garage to get out of the pouring rain. Jake was inside, along with Quil, they were bickering about something. They broke it up when we walked in.  
“Hello ladies.” Embry called as I closed the heavy door behind me. I gave a small wave but Jake didn’t make eye contact. I brushed it off and sat next to Quil on the old couch, he wrapped his arm around me playfully. It felt good to be here again. I ignored the buzzing of texts I was getting from (presumably) Devin. We all chatted for a few minutes as Quil rattled off the details of their school days recently. I didn’t go to their high school but I was always kept up on the drama since Quil’s guilty pleasure was getting into everyone’s business. He had just finished telling me his theory that one of the freshman girls was pregnant and trying to hide it when he quickly changed the subject, bouncing up and down on the couch like a dog for a bone.  
“So tell them the news.” Quil snickered prompting Jake who flushed a color I had never seen his face turn and rolled his eyes. He had barely said two sentences to me since I got here, was he mad that I’ve been so distant lately? I’d have to work on that. My stomach groaned at the anxiety that Jake was pissed at me, but I was more focused on whatever news Quil was so eager about.   
“Quil c’mon.” Jake sighed shaking his head and continued to tinker on the engine of his project.   
“What news?” I prompted again, I caught Embry’s gaze and he shook his head at me solemnly, making me more confused. I looked at Jake, who was ignoring us, and then at Quil who was ready to burst.  
“Jake’s got a girlfriend.” Quil finally said. My stomach fell to the ground and my heart jumped into my throat. I felt like someone had just punched me in the throat, with their truck, and then reversed over my stomach, and then back again over my throat. I couldn’t even make out words, I just sat there… in shock. I mean Jake has never mentioned a girl before. Where did this even come from? Or was this a joke? But Quil shut that down.  
“You dog, everyone has been going after Maddie since she got boobs.” Quil snickered leaping off the couch and punched Jake in the arm. I sat there in shock for a few moments as Quil went on and on about this Maddie girl. He described her like a modern Cleopatra. I felt like I had blacked out. My heart was beating in my throat. I couldn’t look at Jake as I tried to process the information. Jake… has a girlfriend. I didn’t know why I felt a burning fire in my stomach. What the fuck? I suddenly felt myself standing up.  
“I uhm, my dad just texted me he uhm, wants me home. Sorry.” I stammered as I tried to get my legs to move as fast as possible to get me out of that garage. I pushed the door open just enough to get me out and I stumbled into the pouring rain. It felt good on my burning hot skin. I fumbled my hands and tried to get the keys out of my pocket but someone’s hands took them out of mine. I looked up and Embry was next to me, his hand on my back guiding me to the car. I was grateful, I didn’t think I could make it there myself.  
“I’ll drive.” He whispered to me and pushed me into the passenger seat. He got into the drivers seat and roared the car to life, the heat blew on my face and I realized how numb I felt. Embry drove without saying a word, he eventually pulled over to a small turnaround area secluded from the road. I realized I was having trouble breathing.  
“I’m sorry Colly.” He said after a moment, “I didn’t know it was official… I would’ve warned you.”  
I couldn’t form words. I sat there for a moment in shock just trying to catch my breath. Was I having some sort of stroke? I mean… Jake is an attractive guy of course he was going to get a girlfriend eventually I just… didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly? And without warning.  
“I don’t understand what happened.” I finally choked out, “Why am I freaking out!?”  
Embry frowned at me in confusion, “Colly, c’mon.”  
I didn’t want to admit it. Jake was my friend he had always been just a friend. But… I didn’t feel this way when Quil got a girlfriend… or when Embry announced he lost his virginity… or when Jackson said he asked someone to prom… I mean Jake was the first friend I made when I came to live with my dad, he was my closest friend since… ever! I should be happy for him! Right? I took a deep breath and looked at Embry.  
“No Embry c’mon, Jakes just a friend..”  
Embry let out a laugh and shook his head, “Sure Colly. Keep telling yourself that.”  
“God what’s wrong with me?” I sighed and closed my eyes. Embry and I sat in silence for a few moments as I focused on the raindrops beating down on the car. My CD played quietly in the background and I desperately wanted to throw it out the window.   
“I’m sorry I freaked out,” I finally said, “Thanks for coming with me.”  
Embry gave a small smile, I had never really seen this side of him before, “Well I figured you were gonna go for the nearest cliff and we couldn’t have that.”  
I laughed, that was the thing I loved about Embry, he always made me laugh even when I wanted to die. My phone was buzzing, I pulled it out and it was Devin texting me. I groaned and threw it in my bag. Devin was the last person I wanted to talk to right now.  
Embry drove to his house and offered for me to come in to relax but I promised him I wasn’t going to drive into the ocean or anything. He told me to text him when I got home, and gave me a long, brotherly bear hug. I drove home going under the speed limit, watching as cars raced by me. I knew i was probably a nuisance but I didn’t want to go home and sit in my room, alone with my thoughts.   
Eventually I pulled into my driveway and sat. Dad wasn’t home, Bella didn’t look to be either, I could hear Maggie barking at the window but I couldn’t get myself to go in. I turned off my car and let the rain take over my windshield. I still felt like I had been struck by a semi. God I’m so stupid. I tried to shake it off and convince myself I was just upset that he didn’t tell me, but that didn’t work. Then the thought of Jake… being with another girl caused my to burst out in tears. I couldn’t breathe. Who even was this Madison girl? He had never even mentioned the name Madison. I could ask Claire… No. I definitely didn’t want to know. She was probably beautiful, top of their class… maybe even knew a thing or two about cars. I couldn’t breathe. I covered my face and sobbed into my hands even though no one was around to see me. I hadn’t cried like this in years. God and over a boy! This is so cliche I thought as I tried to catch my breath. I eventually calmed myself down by staring into the woods surrounding my house, watching the rain droop the leaves. Before I knew it, the water had stopped pouring out of my face, and my pathetic sadness turned into sheer…. rage. Why wouldn’t he tell me about her? Why would he hide this? I mean, I thought we were best friends? I felt like screaming but I knew that would probably draw attention. Instead I sat, fuming. I wanted to drive back to the Reservation and scream at him. But I knew I’d talk myself out of it by the time I got there. And it was clear Jake couldn’t care less about my feelings.   
I let out a loud and exhausted groan, my throat was starting to hurt from the rollercoaster of emotions I had been through. I needed to lay down. I finally got out of my car and trudged my way into the house. Maggie was eagerly waiting for me to come in. I opened the door so she could go out, I didn’t have the energy to play with her. I sat down on the wet steps letting the rain fall on me, I didn’t care I couldn’t feel my nose or my hands. Maggie ran back and forth in the front yard and eventually ran back up to me, her favorite football in her mouth.  
“Sorry Maggs,” I said standing up and shooing her inside, “No fetch today.”  
She dropped the ball but didn’t seem to mind, she skipped inside eagerly. I locked the door behind me and peeled off my soaking wet jacket and shoes. Maggie shook off and ran around my feet, I walked over to the counter and grabbed a treat out of the doggy-cookie jar, normally I only gave her half but I felt bad for not giving her the attention she deserves and tossed an entire treat to her. Naturally she missed and it flopped on the floor, but she immediately gobbled it up.   
I didn’t know what to do. It was a Saturday and I was alone in the house. I didn’t feel like writing. I didn’t feel like doing homework. I definitely didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I dragged myself to my room and peeled off the rest of my clothes that had been soaked through. My skin was cold to the touch. I figured I’d take a hot bath to wash off this day. I grabbed a random book off my shelf and walked into my bathroom, grateful it was just my bathroom. I threw the book on the pink bathmat and cranked the nozzle to hot as the water spewed out of the tub. I stood in front of the sink mirror and was horrified at what I looked like. My makeup had strewn all over my face, mascara drooping and wiped over my cheeks, I wanted to say it was because of the rain but I knew it was mostly due to my meltdown in the car. Sounded like a good play title. Meltdown in the Car, coming this Fall, you’ll cry… and then you’ll cry some more. I dug my makeup remover out of the cabinet and poured some on a cotton round, vigorously scrubbing my face until the color had returned and the black was removed. I hated looking at my round pudgy face without makeup on (to be honest I wasn’t that fond of it with makeup on, but it helped a little) and touched my cheeks. They were puffed out, and my eyes were bloodshot. God it looked like I had just smoked a blunt myself. I turned the sink on and cupped some cold water in my hands, pressing my face into it trying to reduce the swelling. I knew there was no helping it. I was a mess.  
I gave up and shut the tub water off as it reached the rim. I slowly dipped my feet in, it was a little too hot, but I didn’t really care. I eased down into it and cringed as it reached my numb thighs. I normally threw oils or salts in the tub, but I didn’t have the energy. I sat in the still water and pressed my head against the hard, ceramic lip, hoping the heat would bring some life back to me. I closed my eyes and wished this day had just been a horrible horrible nightmare and I would wake up at any second. But it wasn’t working. Staring off into the ceramic white tile only left me alone with my thoughts. My thoughts that made me want to hide underwater and never come up for air. I heard the house phone ringing from upstairs. I groaned and tried to ignore it but it rang… and rang… and rang…  
“Ugh just take the hint!” I yelled before slowly slipping my head underwater. Water filled my ears and I couldn’t hear anything. Finally, some peace. I stayed under as long as I could but the hot water burnt my raw face. I came up and inhaled the steamy bathroom air. I wiped my eyes and rested my head on my fist. The phone had stopped ringing but I was left alone with my thoughts again. Was he with her right now? Was he replacing me? Before I knew it I was sobbing again. I curled my knees up to my chest and cried into them. Was this ever going to get better?


	7. Chapter 7

I skipped out on dinner and spent the entire evening in my bed, mostly listening to music on my old iPod, stuff I spent most of my pre-teen angsty years listening to. It had been awhile since I spiraled like this. I didn’t even want to admit this is what it was because of how pathetic it felt to even think I was spiraling into a depressive episode over nothing. I mean, it’s not like Jake and I were even dating. The most we had was playful flirting… who doesn’t flirt with their friends? I cranked my music and tried to think of anything other than Jake. Let’s see… Devin might be texting me I haven’t touched my phone all day. Maybe Claire sent me a message. Maybe I should stay with Devin and just try harder. I could see if he wanted to get together tomorrow. I rolled out of bed and searched my jeans for my phone but it wasn’t there. I groaned as I realized it was in my purse… upstairs. Dad and Bella had to be home by now but the last thing I wanted to do was exchange small talk.   
I got over myself and eventually crept out of my room, I could hear the living room TV was on. I tried to sneak through the kitchen and grab my purse off the counter without being heard but the second I pulled the zipper I heard my dad shift. I grabbed my phone and shoved it in my pocket, trying to make an escape but I was caught.  
“Colly?” He called. I threw my head back and whined silently. I puke a presentable expression on my face so he wouldn’t know I had been sobbing all day and peaked around the corner.  
“Yeah?” I said trying to avoid saying too many words, my throat was extremely sore at this point. Maggie leapt off the couch and ran to my feet, whipping me in the shins with her tail. Dad was sprawled on the remainder of the couch, beer in his hand, still in uniform.  
“Where’ve you been kiddo?” He asked sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he most likely passed out on the couch after he got home. If only I had snuck up here earlier, damn.  
“Er- just doing homework. I have a pretty big paper due soon and I wanted to get it out of the way.” I lied seamlessly, I mean it wasn’t really a lie. I had my English midterm due next week and I did want to finish it early. But my analysis of The Grapes of Wrath was the last thing on my mind. But dad seemed to buy it, he nodded and yawned.  
“Well Bells made spaghetti for dinner, I made you a plate but it’s probably cold.” He said eyeing me like I was a driver he had pulled over for weaving.  
“Thanks.” I said turning to leave.  
“Jake called.” He added quickly, “Twice.”  
Everything I had managed to compose over the past few hours came crumbling down. Why was he calling me? I nodded in acknowledgement but couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t hungry but I didn’t want him to get on my case about skipping meals and developing an eating disorder, the last thing I needed was dad to be paying extra attention to my mental health and possibly sending me back to therapy. I popped the bowl in the microwave and listened to it sizzle. I poured myself a glass of water and chugged the entire of it while the microwave hummed. It felt surprisingly good on my throat. I finished it off and filled my cup again as my spaghetti finished being nuked. I grabbed a fork and raced to my room before my dad could tell me anything else. I couldn’t even think about Jake right now let alone talk to him. I set the spaghetti on my night stand, I might pick at it in a bit, and clicked on my phone. Sure enough Jake had also tried to call my cell, three times. He left a voicemail, two actually. I couldn’t bring myself to play them. Devin had texted me a few times this afternoon, just hey, what’s up? and then a couple selfies. I felt bad for ignoring him, he didn’t deserve this. I texted him back and made up a lame excuse about not feeling well and being in bed all day, but I was feeling better now. The first part wasn’t a lie at least. Embry had texted me making sure I hadn’t offed myself. I quickly typed out a reassuring text. But I didn’t feel like chatting with anyone. I plugged my phone in and turned it off, something I don’t think I’ve ever done. I clicked on the TV and left it on the channel I had it on last, one of the cooking channels, it was just a competition show. Seemed neutral enough. No romance, just intense chefs with sharp knives.   
I picked at my spaghetti at first which hadn’t really warmed up that much but I definitely didn’t want to go back into the kitchen. But once I realized I hadn’t eaten since this morning I inhaled it, wishing I had grabbed some bread or something. But my stomach seemed to be pissed after I finished. God can I get a break? I shut my light off and threw my quilt over me, plugging my headphones back in and resuming my coping playlist. I focused on the chefs preparing meals with random ingredients while trying not to fight each other until I slowly fell asleep. But being asleep was worse.


	8. Chasm

I spent the entire Sunday in my room. I convinced myself to write for a bit and do my homework, but it just seemed like ways to make the day go by faster. My dad came to check on me a couple times, but he mostly left me be. Jake had called the house, and my cell again, but I sent him to voicemail. I still couldn’t bring myself to listen to his messages. I texted Devin out of obligation but all I wanted to do was lay down. I found myself going to bed at 8pm, even though I had barely left my room I was completely exhausted.

But I didn’t get to sleep. I heard a door slam and someone was… yelling. It was Bella. I had never heard Bella yell before. I hopped out of bed and slightly cracked my door open so I could listen. She had just gotten home from playing baseball with the Cullens, she made a whole deal about dad meeting him but by the sounds of it he wouldn’t be coming back any time soon. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on but… it was intense.  
“I have to get out of here! I can’t stay here!” I heard her yell and another door slammed, their voices were faint I think they were upstairs. I didn’t dare to creep out all the way though. Suddenly someone was running down the stairs.  
“I can’t stay here. It’s not a life. Eating pie at the diner every week, watching baseball every night? That’s your life dad not mine.” She yelled stomping around. I winced at that one, I felt a surge of anger.  
“Bells please, I just got you back, you can’t leave.” I heard my dad plead, I had never heard him this hurt before.  
“If I don’t leave now well, I’m just gonna be stuck here like mom.” I heard her say before one final slam of the front door. I stood frozen. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even breath as I waited to hear what my dad would do. Go after her? Call her mom? Drink himself to sleep? I couldn’t believe Bella had said all those things to him… I knew her coming here was a bad idea. If only dad had listened to me. I thought about trying to call her but what was the point. Everything was so fucked.


	9. Chapter 9

Dad didn’t say anything the next morning. We both knew that I knew what had happened the night before and I still couldn’t think of what to say to him. He looked so… wounded. I wasn’t around or old enough to remember what he was like when Renee left, but I imagine this was similar. I considered calling Billy if he didn’t get more color back in his face soon.   
We still hadn’t heard from Bella by that evening. Charlie had called Renee and the Cullens at least a dozen times. I wanted to help but I couldn’t help but feel glad she was gone. But I didn’t want it to end like this, with dad hurt and her possibly dead.   
When he didn’t eat any of his chicken or mashed potatoes I knew I needed to say something. I had been stewing at how pissed I was at Bella for taking off like that. Her words kept circling through my mind like I’m sure they were in my dad’s as well.  
“Dad those things Bella said, that wasn’t fair. She shouldn’t have…” I started but he stopped me.  
“Colly please. I don’t want to talk about it.” He snapped at me for the first time… almost ever. One time at the beach he snapped at me when I was leaning too close to the edge of some rocks but that was out of fear. This was… I didn’t know. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I took my plate and dumped it in the kitchen. I went to my room and wished an aneurism would just take me in my sleep. I was sick of everything. I laid down and the tears erupted like a hurricane. All I wanted to do was call Jake and tell him everything, everything that Bella had said, how pissed I was for her causing dad so much worry and pain, I just wanted to talk. I missed his smile, he had such a heartbreaking smile. And a goofy laugh that would cheer me up on my worst days. I kept thinking about all the times I was having bad depressive episodes and he would bring me PB&Js and he would distract me by talking about his cars because there’s no way I could get upset by engine talk. But even thinking about that made me spiral. I reached for my phone and dialed his number, but I knew it was a mistake. I threw my phone across the room and cried until sleep took over me.  
I stayed home from school the next day. Dad didn’t argue. I slept until he came home and made me eat the pizza he had picked up. We sat in silence as I slowly forced myself to eat one piece. I got up to go back to my room but he stopped me.  
“Colly I’m sorry for yelling at you last night.” Dad sighed, he still sounded horrible. I could guarantee he hadn’t slept. His dark eyes were drooping and bloodshot.   
“It’s okay.” I managed to say. I didn’t really care anymore.  
“No it’s not,” dad continued, his voice still solemn, “I probably should’ve listened to you about Bella. It was clear she didn’t want to move here, I just was so excited to have both of you here.”  
I sighed and turned around again to face him, “Dad none of this is your fault. Whatever is going on with Bella… It’s not your fault.”  
He opened his mouth to say something but the phone rang. He practically fell off the couch trying to grab it. He frantically answered and almost fell over again seconds later. It was Bella.


	10. Explosion

Dad ran around the house trying to assemble a bag to take with him while I called the airline and found him a ticket to Phoenix. Bella had been in an accident. Renee had called and said she was going into surgery. He was insisting on getting out of here tonight even if he had to drive. Luckily, there was a flight in a couple hours.  
“Okay I’ll call you when I know more, or call me if Renee calls. Uhm there’s money in my room if you need groceries. If the station calls just let them know I’ll be home… soon and that Mackenzie is in charge while I’m gone.” Dad yammered as he shoved a bunch of clothes into his duffel, the only duffel he owns.   
“You don’t need to worry about me, Maggie’s got everything under control.” I said as the chocolate lab wagged her tail excitedly not understanding this wasn’t a good spontaneous adventure. He cracked a small smile at that. I had offered to drive him to the airport but he insisted on just leaving his car at the airport and paying. I thought he was crazy but I wasn’t going to argue. I was shaking like crazy I wasn’t even sure if I could drive. He gave me a quick bear hug and kiss on the forehead before he ran out of the house and to his cruiser.   
I felt hollow as I watched him speed off into the distance. I felt like I needed to do something. I sat down and dialed the number to the Blacks residence.  
“Hello?” A husky voice answered after a couple rings.  
“Billy hi, it’s Colly.” I said, my heart slightly settling down.  
“Colly hi, have you heard anything about Bella?” He asked, he had sounded extremely worried every time he called about her, like he knew something bad had happened.  
“Yeah Renee just called, apparently there was an accident, she’s in a hospital in Phoenix right now dad just left for the airport. I don’t know much more than that. I just thought I would call and let you know.” I explained.   
“Well thank you for calling. Are you home alone? You can come stay here if you want.” Billy offered, this made me feel a little better. I knew he wasn’t just doing it to be polite.  
“Thanks but it’s okay,” I said only slightly lying, “I might change my mind.”  
“Our door is always open. Call me if anything changes.” Billy said.  
“Thanks Billy, talk to you soon.” I said before hanging up. I set the phone down on the table and let out a loud sigh, slightly startling Maggie. I fought the urge to pack up Maggie in my car and drive to the Reservation to crash on Billy’s couch. I used to sleep over all the time as a kid. I’d always wake up to Billy’s famous scrambled eggs. The secret was a tiny amount of mayonnaise, but I pretended like I didn’t know. But once we got older it felt weird to sleepover. I especially couldn’t face Jake right now.  
I went into my room and grabbed my pillows and blankets. I dragged them upstairs, grabbed one of the phones, and walked upstairs to dad’s room. I didn’t care if it was weird. I slept in his bed with Maggie curled at my side, setting the phone next to my pillow hoping it didn’t ring with bad news.  
I didn’t want to go to school the next day but I didn’t want the school bugging dad with my absence. No one at school knew where Bella was, and none of the Cullens were there. I lifelessly zoned out through an entire day of classes, checking my phone from under my desk every time the teacher turned their back, but there was no news. Dad had landed late in the night and crashed at the hospital with Renee, Bella had gotten out of surgery but she was in bad shape apparently. I felt bad for being so angry with her.  
Before I got in my car and left the freezing school parking lot, Devin caught me by surprise.  
“Do you want to come over to my house?” He asked as we arrived at my car, I threw my backpack in the back seat and whipped around, I had never been to his house. I didn’t tell him what was going on with Bella either, I didn’t feel like talking about it with anyone.   
“Er, right now?” I asked confused.  
“Yeah, my parents are gone for the night,” He said wiping the mist off his face, or was it sweat? “I thought we could chill, maybe order a pizza?”  
“Uhm, sure.” I said without thinking, it got me out of the house for an afternoon. I had my cell if my dad needed me but if I went home I would just be staring at the house phone waiting for bad news.  
“Great! So, I’ll text you my address but you can just follow me over if that’s cool?” He said with a sheepish grin.  
“Sounds good.” I said. I turned my car on and let the heat blast me in the face. Spring in Forks was almost worse than Winter. Freezing rain was never fun. I watched Devin get in his car and pull out of the school, sure enough I had a text of his address and a smiley emoji, I tried to stay closely behind so I didn’t have to deal with my phone’s map system. I’d end up in the wrong town that way.  
He lived out of town, near where Jackson lived but further down a back road. I was starting to think he was luring me out to the woods to murder me when he finally put his blinker on and pulled into a long driveway. His house was small but cozy. I saw Mona’s familiar Jeep pulled to the side. I wonder where she and Devin’s dad went. I felt a little uneasy now that I was alone alone but I shook it off, we were probably just gonna do homework. I grabbed my backpack and keys as Devin got out of his Subaru.  
“It’s not much.” He said sheepishly as I followed him up the small rickety stairs. My house wasn’t much either, dad wasn’t exactly apart of the Fortune 500, so I wasn’t in the place to judge.   
I walked in and saw the walls plastered in pictures of Devin over the ages. Mostly photos of him in his soccer uniform or playing soccer. I came across a class picture from elementary school and grimaced as I saw my tiny 8 year old self. I wonder if he even noticed I was in it.  
“Do you want a soda or something?” He asked as I followed him into the kitchen. It had a small kitchen table in the corner with an ash tray and old newspapers. I didn’t know Mona smoked.   
“Uhm, water would be great thanks.” I said. He grabbed an orange soda for himself and grabbed a mason jar out of a cabinet, filling it with water from his sink.   
“So I figured we could hangout in the living room, watch some TV?” He said as I sipped on the water. I nodded in agreement, maybe we weren’t studying? I followed him into the next room, inside there were more pictures of Devin, but mostly of him with his parents and other adults I’m assuming were his distant family. He threw his bag next to the green couch and set his soda down on the doily covered coffee table. I followed the same. He clicked on the TV as I sat nervously on the couch. I was trying to distract myself from Bella possibly dying in a hospital, but it felt weird.  
“Any preference?” He asked. I shook my head. He shrugged and threw on a random channel that had a sitcom I hadn’t seen before on. I settled back into the couch and realized I was holding in my breath. Why was I so nervous? Just chill out. I slowly exhaled and chugged some water but it felt like it made my mouth even more dry. I set it down and fiddled with my hands as Devin leaned back and shifted so he was closer to me. Before I knew it his arm was around me, and then he leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. I automatically pulled back in shock.  
“What’s wrong?” He asked completely confused.  
“I-I don’t know. What are you doing?” I stammered, my heart racing. I had been so wrapped up in distracting myself I wasn’t paying attention to Devin trying to get into my pants.  
“I thought we were gonna, you know…” He trailed off and gestured vaguely. But I knew what he meant.   
“Oh.” I said. God how could I have missed that? Why did I think we were going to study? I’m so stupid. My immediate reaction was to grab my bag and run, but as I sat there staring at Devin, who was giving me a bewildered expression like I was crazy for not expecting this, I thought maybe… Maybe I should. I mean, Devin seems to like me. I think? If I storm out that’ll be the end. Maybe I should just… have sex with him. That way it’s over with. The first time is always bad right?  
I sighed and sat back, my hands were shaking tremendously as he leaned in again and kissed me. His lips were wet and he shoved his slimy tongue in my mouth immediately. I tried not to pull back and just let it happen. I felt his hand slide up my shirt and cup my boob, going into my bra. God what am I doing? As he grabbed my hand and pulled it to his pants I realized I couldn’t do this. I pushed him off me and leapt up.  
“I’m sorry I have to go.” I blurted as I grabbed my bag and raced out of his house, barely getting my shoes and jacket on as I fumbled with my keys and leapt in my car. I started it and practically peeled out of his driveway. My car fought as I sped down the dirt road but I pressed harder on the gas. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to take a shower. I can’t believe I almost just lost my virginity to distract myself from Bella. What kind of sister am I? I sped faster and faster until I finally reached tar road. I wanted to pull over and catch my breath but I needed to get away from here. I started to turn to head home but I found myself continuing straight, pressing the gas so I couldn’t change my mind. Twenty minutes later I was on the Reservation.  
I pulled into Embry’s driveway and tried to collect myself. Thankfully his parents cars weren’t home, I saw him peak his head out the door and give me a small wave inside. I wiped my face and fumbled as I took my keys out of the ignition, my hands were still shaking uncontrollably. I walked through the pouring rain and tried to hide my face, but it didn’t work.  
“What’s wrong?” Embry asked concerned as he beckoned me inside and closed the door behind him. It was warm in his house from the fireplace I could hear crackling. His two cats Birdy and Cleo were curling their tails around my feet as I walked in. I reached down to pet them, calming me down a little.  
“Uhm, I don’t know.” I said honestly. Embry stood before me, still in his school attire. A white collared shirt and red striped tie. I always joked he looked like a candy cane. His hair was tied back in a small pony-tail with strands falling around his jaw. His concerned expression made me fall apart. He wrapped his long arms around me and squeezed slightly.  
“What happened?” He asked as I finally pulled back, wiping my face on my sleeve hoping I didn’t get makeup on his white shirt. He gestured towards the kitchen table next to the wood stove. I sat down and felt a little better with the heat.  
“I don’t know. These past couple weeks… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I said feeling my throat swell up again, “I haven’t been myself. I can barely get out of bed. And then the thing happened with Bella.”  
“What happened with Bella?” He asked more confused with everything I said.  
“She ran away the other night. She said some horrible things to dad and she stormed off, I think with the Cullens, or just Edward I don’t know but none of them are at school. Dad got a call after her being AWOL and she got into an accident of some sorts, she’s down in Phoenix in the hospital. Dad went down last night and I haven’t really hard from him and I was panicking and I wanted a distraction so I went to Devin’s but he…” I trailed off trying to catch my breath.  
Embry cocked his head at me and furrowed his dark bushy eyebrows, “Wait, did Devin do something to you?”  
I sighed and tried to explain whatever… just happened, “He just… invited me over to his house and his parents weren’t home and I was… so stupid. I thought we were going to study! I mean, that’s what we normally do. So I went and he asked if I wanted to watch TV and next thing I know I’m on his couch and he’s… touching me and I just freaked out. I overreacted and took off. And I couldn’t go home and I didn’t know where to go and so… here I am.” I stammered, losing my breath and feeling like my chest was closing.  
“I’ll kill him.” Embry said standing up in a huff.  
“Embry sit down! Please, it was my fault.” I sighed.  
“Whatever he did to you wasn’t your fault Colly, he should’ve asked you!” Embry was yelling now, his fists clenched.  
“Embry, please. I just… I don’t know why I went over there. I don’t know why I let myself be in that situation. I’m so sick of this. I don’t know what’s going on with anything.” I said resting my head in my hand, my hand was cold from the water glass and it felt good on my heated face. Embry slowly sat back down, his fists still clenched. We sat in silence for a few minutes, he finally reached out and touched my hand with his.  
“Do you want me to kill Jake?” He asked half-jokingly. I couldn’t help but laugh, it felt good to finally laugh.  
“No.” I sighed, “No killing boys for me.”  
“No promises.” He chuckled and squeezed my hand, “You know he’s been asking about you nonstop.”  
I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say. He gave up calling me and I ignored the red numbers growing on my voicemail app.   
“He’s an idiot.” Embry added.  
“So am I.” I said. I sighed and leaned back into the wooden chair, still trying to process everything. I looked down at the papers on the table, one was a flyer for the Reservation High School’s prom. I groaned.  
“Are you going?” I asked pointing to the flyer. He scoffed.  
“I thought we were going as a friend group but…” he trailed off and I knew what he meant. Jake had gotten a date. I felt like throwing up thinking about Jake slow dancing with her.  
“Yeah, I’m not going either.” I said quietly. I wasn’t exactly excited for prom, but I feel like more of a loser for not going. Saves money I guess.  
“You want to go with me?” Embry asked. I snorted but his face was serious.  
“Oh c’mon you don’t have to pity me that much.” I said pushing the flyer away.  
“I don’t pity you,” He defended, “But I’m serious! Come to prom with me I need a hot date.”  
I rolled my eyes, “Embry there’s gotta be plenty of girls at your school dying to go with you.”  
“Everyone dated up awhile ago, c’mon!” He leaned in close and raised his eyebrows at me, “It’ll really stick it to Jake.”  
I chuckled and rubbed my forehead but couldn’t think of a reason not to go. I mean, I would have to find a dress…   
“Alright, I’ll go.” I shrugged and felt a smile creep on my face, it felt good to feel excited. Embry beamed, I figured I owed him. Shit, now I gotta get a dress.  
“Bella will be fine.” Embry said. She better be.


	11. Chapter 11

When I got home there was a voicemail from Billy checking in. He offered for me to stay with them while Charlie was gone again but the thought of seeing Jake made my stomach crawl. I felt bad for turning him down though. Sue Clearwater had called and said she would bring by some dinner for me. I felt a little better, Sue always had a warm presence, she was probably the closest thing I had to a mom. And her food was good too. I called dad to see if there was any more news.  
“Colly sorry there’s been so much going on,” Dad said, he sounded staticky, “Bella will be okay she’s just got some broken bones and contusions.”  
“Oh thank god, what happened?” I practically yelled kind of mad he didn’t call me earlier. He went on to explain that she had somehow… thrown herself down a flight of stairs. Or she fell rather. I don’t know. But she was going to be okay and they would be home in a few days. He emphasized they and I couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of disappointment that Bella was coming with him. I mean what’s stopping her from pulling this again in a couple months? Dad couldn’t take that again. He said he would call me when he got back to his hotel later and fill me in more. I dialed the Blacks house phone and waited for Billy to pick up.  
“Hello?” A voice that wasn’t Billy’s answered. I felt like passing out and throwing up at the same time. I almost hung up immediately but I screwed myself by speaking first.  
“Oh.” I blurted and immediately regretted it, “Hi uhm, is your dad there?”  
“Colly, c’mon.” Jake said, he sounded pissed. Hang up, hang up, hang up!  
“I just wanted to let him know that Bella is fine, dad and her will be home in a few days.” I said avoiding any unpleasant conversation. He sighed into the phone.  
“Colly what the hell why are you being this way?” He asked sounding more solemn than pissed. I hung up. My heart was racing. I hadn’t spoken to him in what felt like an eternity. I pressed the phone to my chest and felt tears welling. God why was I crying so much lately? I shook it off and tried to focus on the plus side: Bella was okay, dad would be home soon.  
I spent most of that night on my computer writing everything that had unfolded and trying to sort through it all. I mean, I almost had sex. I still felt uncomfortable thinking about Devin all over me. Every time I thought about it I couldn’t help but shiver. I took a shower but that didn’t help. I tried to chalk it up to me just being dramatic but I still couldn’t shake it off.   
Sometimes I thought I should’ve just gone through with it, but that’s not how I wanted my first time to be. I wanted to do it with someone I didn’t have to extensively research to decide if I liked him or not. I mean, I didn’t want to wait until I was 30 but.. I just didn’t want to be terrified like I was today. And I wanted my legs shaved.   
I wrote about Embry, he had surprisingly been the one there for me the most recently.

Embry’s always been my friend. But not like this. I mean, we’d hang out at Jakes and he would joke-flirt with me (I think to annoy Jake). I would bug him to work on his homework but he would flick the cliche paper footballs at me, most of the time he conned me into doing his algebra for him. We had such different interests but we just… clicked? We were always goofing around. Maybe I am excited to go to prom with him, I mean it’s better than having a serious date that has me shaking in nerves the whole night. I might actually have fun? But why was he being so nice to me? Was it all pity? Like he would be into me.  
I rolled my eyes at the thought of it, I didn’t want to get full of myself now and freak myself out. Embry and I were just really good friends. I guess it was just all the boy drama in my head. I made myself write out everything I was feeling about Bella, everything that wasn’t just anger.  
Why would Bella run away like this? She seemed to be so happy with Edward. I mean, as happy as she could be. She’s always so cryptic about her feelings. She doesn’t talk to dad, and she definitely doesn’t talk to me. I just hope she’s okay. Dad will never forgive himself for letting her go if she’s not okay. Not that it was his fault, but dad will still blame himself. I guess I blame myself a little too. I probably should’ve tried harder. I should’ve tried to keep her away from Edward better. I was too focused on myself.  
I wanted to write about Jake but every time I tried nothing came out. Or it was just… nonsense that confused me even more.  
Why was Jake mad at me? I mean, I know why he’s mad at me. I’ve kind of been ghosting him. But he’s the one that sprung the whole girlfriend thing on me. I guess I kind of did that to him with Devin… I don’t really have any grounds for being so pissed at him but I can’t help it! He should’ve told me. Maybe I should call him…No. Maybe? I can’t. I don’t know.  
I shut my laptop in frustration and pressed my face against the cold cover. Thinking about Jake always resulted in frustration. I felt hot and cold at the same time. I decided to call Claire and break the news about prom… and Devin. I gave her the sugar coated story, that we just decided it wasn’t working and we didn’t want to drag it out any longer. But I hung out with Embry today and he asked if I wanted to go with him so I wouldn’t miss prom and he wouldn’t have to go alone.   
“Oh this is so exciting! We can go to prom together!!” Claire practically yelled into the receiver, “Oh shoot I’m sorry about you and Devin though.”  
“No no, i’m excited about prom too I was worried I was gonna be by myself the whole night.” I said honestly, prom was something I could look forward to now, “Wait I’m such a jerk, are you going with someone?”  
“Oh I can’t believe I didn’t tell you! Paul asked me the other day!” She squealed again.  
“That’s great!” I couldn’t help but squeal a little myself, “I’m glad he finally got his ass in gear.”  
“Me too, I was worried I was gonna have to ask someone at the last minute. I mean a couple other guys asked me but I decided to gamble. You should see my dress! I mean mom bought it for me but it’s actually gorgeous.”  
“I bet it’ll look great.” I said, “But I have a problem.”  
“What?”  
“I need a dress.” I sighed, glancing over to my closet that didn’t have anything except casual shirts and a couple dress shirts dad bought me but I never had the occasion to wear. The only dress I had was a black dress I wore to my grandfather’s funeral. But I didn’t think that was really prom appropriate. But Claire squealed excitedly.  
“We can go shopping! I need shoes to go with my dress anyway. Oh yay! How about tomorrow?” She rambled excitedly.  
“Wouldn’t that be… weird? I mean while Bella’s in the hospital and all?” I asked feeling extremely guilty I was over here thinking about corsages and cheap punch while my sister was sitting hundreds of miles away in a hospital bed.  
“Think of it as a distraction?” Claire offered.  
“I’ll call my dad and make sure she’s actually okay before I let myself have any fun how about that?” I sighed feeling even more guilty now, “Maybe we can go after school this week.”  
“I think that might be better.” She agreed, then the line grew silent.  
“Can I ask you a question?” Claire asked after a moment.  
“Yeah sure.” I said walking over and plopping down on my bed, I probably was going to pass out as soon as we hung up the phone. God I hated sleeping alone though.  
“Are you gonna be okay…. at our Prom?” She stressed ‘our’.   
“Why because I’m white and I’d be crashing?” I asked semi-seriously, I never wanted to intrude on the Reservation. Sometimes I’d be at Jakes when the council would meet at his house and I always felt awkward being there even though he always insisted it was okay.  
“No oh my god,” Claire snorted, “I mean… other people are gonna be there.”  
“Well I would hope so or it wouldn’t really be a prom.” I snickered. My heart dropped once I realized what ‘other people’ she was referring to. I groaned, “Oh. I see what you mean.”  
“Yeah I mean, I’ll play interference of course.”   
I was amused at the thought of Claire body checking Jake but I didn’t really know how I felt about Jake being at prom.  
“Can I ask you another question?” She said hesitantly.  
“Yeeess?” I sighed not liking where this was going. My stomach was knotting up now that we we’re talking about Jake. I guess I just felt guilty about how I left things, and you know, for being a massive hypocrite.   
“Well… don’t get mad…” she trailed off and I heard her sigh, “But do you like Jake?”  
“No.” I blurted out of reflex. It was the question I hated being asked. Embry had implied it over the past couple weeks. Dad always gave me weird looks after I came home from hanging out with Jake all day. I ignored the glances he and Billy would exchange all the time ever since Jake and I were old enough to walk. I knew Claire had always wanted to ask it, but I thought she knew I didn’t want to talk about it. I mean, no I didn’t like Jake. He’s my best friend, he’s the guy that… talks to me about his feelings and his dreams and brings me PB&Js when I’m sad and lets me sob on his shoulder on bad days… No. No I didn’t like him. No. No. I just needed sleep. This was crazy.  
“Okay.” She said, “But you can like… talk to me if you ever need to.”  
My face was growing hot, “I know. And ditto.”  
“Call me about shopping? And if you need anything.” She said warmly before we hung up and I laid down. Dad said he would call but he was probably busy. I closed my eyes and let my fan lull me to sleep. I had never been more exhausted.


	12. Homecoming

I had spent the entire day after school cleaning. This week had been hell but dad and Bella were finally coming home. Prom was in a couple days (I still didn’t have a dress). I had successfully avoided Devin all week, and thankfully I don’t think he told anyone what happened because everything seemed back to normal. Or everyone was just buzzing about prom, but either way I didn’t care. Jackson was bummed when I said I was going to prom on the Reservation but he was planning on skipping out early to go to a party anyway. Our prom wasn’t until next week but there was no way I was going to two proms.  
“And you’re better off without Devin. I mean who’s personality is only soccer?” Jackson said at the end of lunch Monday. I still was recovering from the horrible day that Saturday was, but by the end of the week I started to forget the bad stuff and focus on the good stuff. I was ahead in my classes (being alone at the house all week and wanting the distraction caused me to get started on all my final projects that weren’t due for at least a few weeks), I’d see dad soon (this had been the longest I hadn’t seen him since… ever), and on Saturday I’d be going to Claire’s to doll up for prom.  
I had just lit a couple congratulatory candles for making the house spotless when I heard dad’s car pull in the driveway. I knew Bella was driving back with the Cullens (something dad wasn’t jazzed about but she needed to get her car back somehow and driving seemed easier than getting her on a plane), so she wouldn’t be back until later. I couldn’t help but run to the door in excitement. He looked better than he had left, better rested now that Bella was coming home, and he had a bit of a tan which I found amusing (that wouldn’t last long here). I opened the door for him as Maggie barked excitedly (she hadn’t gone this long without seeing him either). He threw his duffel on the ground and pulled me in for a hug. He smelt like an airport.  
“Hey kiddo.” He said squeezing me tight, “Missed you.”  
I tried to ignore the tears in my eyes, “Missed you too dad.”  
I wasn’t the best with physical affection, and dad normally accepted that, only giving me hugs on birthdays or funerals. But I was glad he ignored that rule for once. This week had been an emotional hellscape and all I wanted to do was chatter his ear off about everything that has happened but if I told him what Devin did, or almost did, he’d probably break a law.   
“So Bells is driving up with Dr. Cullen and Edward,” dad explained as we moved out of the entry way, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the freshly brewed pot of coffee and a couple mugs, he made a very visible displeased expression as he mentioned the E word, “But they probably won’t get here until tomorrow.”  
I nodded and poured us both a mug, he graciously accepted as I handed him the steaming mug along with some cream, “But she’s okay?”  
“A little shook up but other than that,” He shrugged and sipped his mug, “Just have to take it easy for a bit.”  
“And she’s staying?” I clarified as I slowly swirled the half-n-half into my black coffee.  
“She was pretty insistent on coming back.” Dad responded. He seemed a little wary and I didn’t blame him. Who’s to say she won’t immediately take off on us again when she was all better? I didn’t say anything, dad had been through enough I didn’t want to put my bitchy worries in his mind.  
“So how’ve you been? I see the house is still standing, no empty beer bottles all over the front lawn.” Dad cracked, I saw his mustache curl up as he smiled behind his mug.  
“Nope I cleaned them all up earlier,” I joked back. I didn’t know how much I should tell him. I wanted to pour everything out. I stared into my coffee for a moment and sorted through the do tell and definitely don’t tell.   
“Well actually, uhm, it’s a bad timing but I was gonna go dress shopping with Claire sometime soon.” I responded hoping he didn’t immediately disown me for being an insensitive sister. But he nodded (a little surprised I think).  
“No I think it would be good,” He responded, “For prom I’m assuming?”  
“Yeah uh, I’m going to the Reservation’s prom, on Saturday.” I said casually. Deep breaths. He cocked his head in confusion.  
“The Reservation?” He asked clearly wanting more information. I sighed and gave him the PG explanation.   
“Uhm well Devin and I broke up and Embry didn’t have a date so he asked if I wanted to go to his prom. And I figured why not I might as well go with a friend rather than not go at all.” I yammered.   
“Oh.” He said raising his eyebrows, “Well I’m sorry you and Devin broke up.”  
“Don’t be.” I blurted taking a sip of my coffee. We lingered in silence for a second as he processed everything.   
“Sue brought me some sort of beef casserole,” I said quickly changing the subject and gesturing towards the fridge, “There’s some left if you’re hungry.”  
“Well that was nice of her.” He nodded.  
“And Billy’s been calling every day.” I added, “I think he forgets I’m old enough to take care of myself for a couple days.  
He chuckled and shook his head, “You’ll always be the girl that would play in the mud with Jake for hours on end every Saturday.”  
My stomach dropped at the sound of Jake’s name. The phone rang and I hopped up to grab it trying to shake Jake out of my mind like I was an emotional etch-a-sketch or something. But it didn’t work.  
“Speak of the devil.” I chuckled and handed dad the phone, “Billy will be happy his pal is home.”  
Dad smirked and cheerfully answered the phone, I’m sure he was excited for his Saturday ritual too. I listened to him and Billy cluck on the phone while I threw the rest of Sue’s casserole in the oven and poured myself another cup of coffee. Dad had thanked Billy for checking up on me and joked that Billy was more protective than he was over me. I made a mental note to make Billy some chocolate muffins (his favorite) as a thank you. It was nice to know at least a couple people would notice if I went missing, or if that animal dad and the town have been on a witch hunt for snatched me up on one of my walks. I shuddered at that thought. I grabbed my phone and texted Claire that we were on. She sent back smiling emoticons and told me she’d meet me right after school “SHARP”. I chuckled and couldn’t help but look up prom dresses online.


	13. Chapter 13

Bella got home early that morning. Apparently they had driven all night, Dr. Cullen and Edward swapping back and forth. Dad couldn’t even be mad, they had gotten Bella home twelve hours earlier than he expected, but he couldn’t leave work so I offered to stay home from school to make sure she didn’t fall down another flight of stairs. He didn’t care for that joke but he reluctantly agreed. I figured she’d be sleeping most of the day but this way I didn’t have to deal with all the questions at school for a day. And I could get even further ahead on my finals.  
I was still in my pajamas filling my biggest coffee mug to the brim and waiting for my pop-tarts to pop when the front door swung open. I nearly knocked overfilled my mug as I was… starstruck. Dr. Cullen walked in first, nearly knocking me over with his sheer… beauty. I had seen him before, at school functions and at the hospital for Bella’s accident but up close he was much more… dazzling. He looked like he was a college student, his jawline sharp and his face narrow, his ice blonde hair slicked back perfectly, his dark eyes glistening as he noticed me standing in the kitchen gawking at him. I closed my mouth and tried to brush it off.  
“Good morning Colly.” He said warmly like he had known me for years, I nearly swooned. All the women (and some of the guys) in town had hopelessly fantasized and crushed on Dr. Cullen since they moved here and I was starting to see why. There was no way this guy was over thirty.  
“Uhm. Morning Dr. Cullen.” I stammered in a state of confusion and starstruck.   
“Please, call me Carlisle,” He flashed another dazzling smile and stepped back, “we bring a wary traveler.”  
The girl called my sister hobbled into the house, it looked like Edward was carrying her. He remained at her side, staring deeply at her as if any moment she was going to keel over. Only Bella looked like she hadn’t gotten any sleep, and she wasn’t the ones driving for days. Her chocolate waves were matted like she had been laying in the backseat, her face was almost… green as opposed to it’s normal ice pale complexion. She gripped her side and slowly crept across the hardwood with her heavy black cast. I was shocked to see how quickly they had gotten her taken care of, but I guess Dr. Cull-Carlisle had some sway. Probably paid off the hospital to give her the magic drugs. I once again nearly knocked over my coffee as I darted over and grabbed Maggie by her collar. I saw Edward flash his malice eyes at me, he looked like he was ready to body tackle Maggie if she came any closer to Bella.  
“I can take it from here, really.” Bella whispered but Edward cut her off.  
“Nonsense. I’ll get you to your room.” He gritted through his teeth. I tried to hide my disgusted expression with how intense he was being. He slowly guided her to the stairs as I stood awkwardly, unsure if I was supposed to help. I guess I was helping, I was subduing the wriggling beast desperately wa  
“Please let us know if there’s anything else we can do to help.” Carlisle said warmly to me as I watched Bella groan and hobble up the stairs. I was going to say she could just stay on the couch but unfortunately there was only the upstairs bathroom and my bathroom. I guess she could’ve used mine… But they were already upstairs. Really only Billy used my bathroom when they were over because he couldn’t get upstairs. I didn’t really mind.  
“Oh, okay thanks,” I said, “And thanks for uhm, bringing her back.”  
He flashed another smile, “It was no problem at all. We’re all just happy Bella’s home safely.”  
I nodded and gave a polite smile, I was glad she was safe but I was still unsure about how glad I was for her to be home. Edward came down a moment later and nodded towards his father.  
“Well we’ll be taking off, it was nice to see you.” Carlisle gave another smile and a small wave as he opened the front door. Edward stiffly walked out the door first as Carlisle followed. I gave a small wave as I waited for the door to close so I could release the demon, she typically stayed away from Bella (as she didn’t really like dogs) but I wasn’t going to risk Maggie excitedly puncturing Bella’s lung so I took her out to the back yard and hooked her up to her ‘chain’.   
“Go tire yourself out.” I sighed as I picked up her slimy green football and threw it towards the woods. Her line let her go pretty far but made sure she didn’t get too cocky and run into oncoming traffic or chase a squirrel five miles into the woods. I skipped back inside before she guilted me into playing catch and shut the screen door behind me. The house felt weird. I suddenly felt anxious knowing I was in charge of an injured person. I mean clearly she was okay enough to be home and she’d probably just sleep but I knew I’d probably be too paranoid to even watch TV.  
I poured some water into one of the biggest glasses we had and grabbed some saltines, figuring she probably didn’t have much of an appetite. I felt a little bad I didn’t know what she liked to eat when she was sick. For me it was lots and lots of ginger ale and of course, PB&Js. For dad he loved tomato soup. Jake loved burgers from McDonalds. I groaned and felt like smacking myself. Stop thinking about Jake! Stop. Thinking. About. Jake.   
I trudged up the stairs and hesitated at her door, maybe she was sleeping, maybe I should just leave her alone. No, ugh. I gently knocked and I heard her mumble to come in. I slowly crept in, it felt incredibly weird being in her room especially with her in it. She hadn’t changed much since moving in. She had a cactus she brought with her from Arizona which I thought was funny. Her classic books like Withering Heights and anything Shakespeare sat piled on her desk next to her chunky old computer. She had a few keepsakes, mostly photos. A photo of her mom at a beach, a photo of dad from… god it must’ve been when we were kids he looked so much younger (still had a mustache though). I felt my face flush when I saw she had a picture of me, my school photo dad took and sent to everyone in the family my first day of high school. I felt like a completely different person was looking back at me. I had lost a little bit of my baby weight, but my freckles were still bright as ever, my teeth a little crooked, and my hair still choppy and stringy. I shook my head and turned my attention to the girl laying in bed, her cast propped up on pillows and a book laying next to her.   
“Sorry uhm, I brought you some water and crackers. I didn’t know if you were hungry or if you even liked crackers but..yeah.” I trailed off and crept over to set the water and crackers on her nightstand where she had a stack of CD’s.   
“Thanks.” She said quietly, giving a small smile and taking the cup of water.  
“So uhm, I’m staying home from school in case you need anything. I have my phone you can text me or holler or anything, “ I stammered as I held my phone up, “And dad will be home early.”  
She nodded slowly as she took a sip of the water, it looked like it pained her. I noticed some pills on the nightstand and was glad she had some relief. I turned to leave but I couldn’t help but saying.  
“You’re uhm, you’re planning on staying right?” I asked, my hand fumbling with her doorknob. She looked pained again.  
“Yeah.” She practically whispered.  
“Good.” I said plainly, she was practically falling asleep. I sighed and decided to keep my angry thoughts to myself. I couldn’t chew her out while she was laying there in pain. She looked so… defeated. She was mostly gently gripping her wrist that had a bandage wrapped around it. I wondered if she had cut it… maybe she threw herself down those stairs on purpose…  
“Well uh, text me if you need anything.” I said rushing out of the room before I said anything I’d regret. I rushed downstairs and tried to shake the thought that my sister had just tried to kill herself. I made sure to check on her at least once an hour until dad got home…  
I made some chicken soup for Bella for lunch, I hoped she liked chicken soup. Once again I felt bad I didn’t even know what kind of foods my own sister liked. I knew she liked spicy foods, and I hated them. She always got a burger or a salad when we all went to a painfully long dinner at the diner. But I didn’t really think anyone’s favorite food was a diner garden salad. I could just ask her… No that would be weird. Would it? I could ask dad… he wouldn’t know either. Okay so I’m in the clear.  
I rolled my eyes at myself for being so ridiculous about something so small as someones favorite food but it killed me I had no idea what it was. Dad’s was meatloaf (yeah, meatloaf), Billy loved basically everything I made but I discovered he especially enjoyed my Christmas homemade cinnamon rolls and my lasagna, Claire loved my chocolate chip cookies because they were always soft in the middle and she hates crunchy foods, Embry would eat anything I handed him but he loved any of my Italian varieties, and Jake… well Jake always said my food was good. I don’t think he would tell me if it was bad. But whenever we went out to eat he always found a way to get pizza. That boy lived off pizza. I chuckled remembering the time we ordered a large pizza to split for the day and he accidentally ate the entire thing himself. What did I just say? Stop thinking about Jake. I’m sure he’s eating pizza with Madison. I shuddered at the thought of even the name ‘Madison’.   
I’ve never really been good at talking, or comforting. But since dad let me cook by myself and I was old enough to hold a pot of water, I’ve had cooking in my belt. When Jake’s mom died when we were seven, dad helped me cook chocolate chip cookies to bring to the wake. They made Billy smile on the worst day of his life. When Embry broke his leg skateboarding when we were fourteen I made him a massive pot of spaghetti and homemade meatballs and he practically ate the whole thing in one setting. And whenever dad was feeling bummed out from a bad case at work I would make him his mom’s favorite meatloaf. It was the one thing I could do.   
But as I entered Bella’s room for the seemingly hundredth time today and looked at her weak, in pain body, I felt just as helpless as she did. What could I possibly say to her to make her feel better? I mean I’ve kind of been where she has. But I haven’t tried to kill myself. I could never do that to dad.  
She was awake and rolled over as I entered. She was slowly getting better over the day, I was glad she was sleeping for most of the times I came in. Some of the color was coming back to her face and she had a small smile as she saw the soup.  
“Hey, sorry to wake you but I thought you might be hungry.” I said setting the soup down next to her empty water glass, I exchanged the bowl for the glass and turned to go refill it.  
“Thanks for the soup.” She said groggily, slowly pushing herself so she was sitting upright. I set the glass down and went over to help her get the tray and put the soup on it without spilling it everywhere.   
“No problem.” I gave a small smile and was just glad she looked like she wanted to eat it.  
“Uhm, I’m sorry about… everything.” She said quietly stirring her soup with the spoon slowly. I stood awkwardly in her doorway, I felt bad for sort of confronting her earlier.  
“I never meant to hurt dad… or you. So I’m sorry.” She continued before letting out a short sigh. I let out a small sigh myself and smiled.  
“I’m just happy you’re home.” I said softly. I could never really place how people knew we were sisters, but for the first time I noticed we were both awkward messes, but that was okay.


	14. Chapter 14

Dad got home just as I was getting ready to leave with Claire for dress shopping. I wasn’t too optimistic about finding anything spectacular, but I knew I needed to find something. I couldn’t really show up in jeans tomorrow.   
“Alright just be safe, stick together, you got that pepper spray I gave you?” Dad rambled as I scrambled to find my purse.  
“Ye-es.” I rolled my eyes and chuckled, I carried that thing everywhere but I don’t think I’d remember to actually use it in a situation that warranted it. Claire was sitting on the floor rubbing Maggie’s stomach as I tried to escape my dad’s safety lecture. I found my purse next to the couch for whatever reason and threw it over my rain jacket, I could put them both on when we actually got to the city.  
“Hold on there speed racer.” Dad called as I swung open the front door with Claire excitedly on my heels, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a wad of 20s.  
“Dad you don’t have to-“ But he cut me off and shoved it in my purse.  
“Get some dinner or something while you’re out.” Dad said as he slipped Claire a twenty as well. She opened her mouth to argue but he practically shoved us out the door, “Go have fun be safe, love you.”  
“Love you too. Thanks dad!” I yelled as we raced down the stairs and to Claire’s tan Camry. Claire hopped in the driver’s seat and brought the still-warm car to life, her music immediately blasting and deafening me.  
“So I have a few places in mind, I feel like we definitely should be able to find something.” Claire said as she slowly pulled out of the driveway and carefully drove down the street knowing the Chief of Police was watching her. As soon as we pulled onto the highway she pressed the gas and soon we were zooming along.  
“I’m so excited!” Claire kept squealing the closer we got to Port Angelas. I couldn’t help but blush and agree.  
“Let’s just see if we can actually find me a dress. I’m worried they’re gonna be all sold out.” I admitted. She waved me off with her already painted hand.  
“Worst comes to worse we find a nice cocktail dress, nothing too fancy but still appropriate.” She explained as she weaved around the slower traffic.   
“Worst comes to worse I panic and I don’t go to prom at all.” I muttered but she shot me a hostile look.  
“Oh no you’re not backing out on me the day before missy. You’re going whether it has to be in a potato sack or a frilly dress.” She scolded playfully. I rolled my eyes but truthfully was just glad she actually wanted me to go.   
We got to the first store in record time, meaning we had a little more time to be picky with the dresses. There was nothing but old lady dresses in my size so I felt a little beat already but Claire insisted the next place would be a better shot. We stopped for a quick cup of coffee and I downed my iced caramel in about three seconds, which didn’t really help with the nerves but made me feel a little happier.   
“Oh my god this is gorgeous!” She squealed as she flung through the hangers in her size (which was three sizes under mine). She ripped out something bright red and flashed it at me with a massive grin, “It’s only $45!!”  
“Okay find it in a size 14 and get back to me.” I snickered and flicked through my size rack, it had more options than the last place but definitely less options than the other sizes. It was something I had always dealt with, but that’s what I get for being addicted to sugary drinks and baking cookies once a week. I was always jealous I didn’t get the lanky Swan body, but I have my Italian mother to thank for that.   
She jostled over and started to flip through the racks in my size range.   
“So Paul is planning on picking me up around 5, and Prom starts at 5 so we figured we’d get there a tiny bit late but not too late. You know?” She explained through ooh’s and aah’s at different dresses I had no interest in.  
“Sounds good. I told Embry I would be getting ready at your house so I’ll let him know.” I explained as I pulled out something black, and immediately put it back because it was nothing but sequins.   
“God this is just going to be so much fun!” She danced in place. I thought it was cute how excited she was. I was mostly glad she was going with the guy she’s been crushing on this semester. Even if he is older. I just hoped he wasn’t a dick. We continued to sift and I spotted the clearance section. I made a beeline towards my size and was relieved they weren’t all hideous.   
“Look at this one huh?” Claire said as she walked over with a long purple dress in her arms. I tried to hide my expression but it didn’t work, “Oh c’mon it’s cute!”  
“I’ll consider it.” I sighed and continued to sift through the crammed clearance section. There was ruffles, sequins, neon green, highlighter yellow, and just everything that looks like it teleported from the 80s shoved in these racks.  
“This one’s not bad. It’s a 14 too surprisingly, nothing is in the right place.” Claire called to me as she pulled out a dress and showed it to me. I turned and my eyes widened. It was fantastic. I felt bad for loving it so much because it was floor length and pastel yellow. It wasn’t too fancy, but it wasn’t a bland cocktail dress. And it had small sleeves, most dresses were strapless and that wasn’t going to fly with my chunky arms.  
“I actually love it.” I admitted and took it from her to admire it all around to make sure it didn’t have some crazy train or something emerging from the back. Claire looked excited I finally found something I loved.  
“Well go try it on!” She said pushing me towards the changing room, “And come out so I can see it!”  
I rolled my eyes but excitedly scurried into the unattended changing rooms. Claire hovered outside my door and continued to jabber on about tomorrow. I peeled off my Forks High t-shirt and jeans and threw them in the corner on my shoes. I unzipped the back of the dress and held my breath as I shimmied it up my thighs and wide hips. I finally got it over my stomach and slipped my arms through the sleeves. I zipped the back up as much as my arms would stretch and let out a tiny Claire-like squeal.  
“And I was thinking we could order a pizza or something before we went over because knowing my high they won’t have any good food, or if they do it’ll be all picked through by the boys who pregamed…” Claire was going on about before I opened the dressing room door and stood, slightly flushed hoping it didn’t look hideous on me.  
“Oh my god you look fucking amazing!” Claire practically yelled.  
“Claire oh my god.” I snickered and peered around hoping no one heard but she didn’t care.  
“That’s it that’s the one,” she said taking my arms and swinging me around, “Embry is going to fall in love with you tomorrow. Or I will. We’ll see which one gets to you first.”  
I definitely was blushing at that point. I went back into the room to change out of it so we could checkout but I didn’t want to take it off. I stood staring at myself in the mirror feeling a strange wave of happiness take over. I don’t think I’ve ever put on a dress and actually felt good in it. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

After we checked out and I used most of my dad’s cash to pay for the dress we zipped over to the nearest shoe store and luckily found some white flats for me, and a pair of heels for Claire.  
“I don’t think it’s fair to any of the girls that you’re going in heels.” I snickered as we piled back into her Camry, slightly exhausted but still exhilarated from the success we had. She had tried to get me to buy a pair of heels but I almost broke my neck the second I tried a pair on, and I was already almost five-ten I didn’t really want to tower over Embry.   
“Oh please I gotta compare to you somehow.” Claire winked at me but I rolled my eyes, Claire was hands down fifty-thousand times prettier than any girl I knew. Even today, both our heads were soaked from the rain and bustling from store to store but her incredible olive skin and jade eyes made her stand out, and her hair had barely frizzed. Mine on the other hand was turning into a tiny afro, half stuck to my forehead the other half going in every which way direction off my head.   
“So where to next?” I asked as night was starting to fall. It was a Friday night so luckily everything was open later and we weren’t the only ones last-minute prom shopping. I managed to dodge quite a few kids from my school however.   
“Well we could grab some dinner,” She offered as she tapped her pink nails on the steering wheel and peered around the shopping area, her eyebrows raised, “Or we could go get haircuts?”  
“Haircuts?” I repeated as I looked to see where she was gazing.  
“Yeah we could get trims! Or maybe I’ll get a buzz cut.” She snickered as she put the car in reverse and started to pull out of the parking lot.  
“Well…” I said giving it a thought. I hadn’t had my hair cut in…. too long, “You know what yeah, I definitely should get a trim.”  
She jostled in her seat excitedly and drove across the road to the salon that took walk-ins. My hair was a little past my jawline and had been for a few years, since I made the mistake of getting an almost-bowl cut my seventh grade year. I shuddered at the memory. I looked in the visor mirror at my hair and frowned, I didn’t know what to do to make this presentable.  
We scurried into the salon and Claire put our names down for a small wait. She quickly opened one of the magazines they had for people who were clueless (like me) and needed an idea. She flipped through and pursed her lips as she looked from model to model.  
“I’m thinking I’ll get about an inch off, it’s been mostly split ends,” She said fiddling with her long hair, “What about you?”  
“I don’t know honestly. I feel like I need a change.” I sighed and grabbed another magazine from the side table. I flipped through it but nothing was catching my eye. There was only so much I could do with my medium long scrappy hair.  
“Cut it off.” Claire suggested casually, continuing to flip through the pages.  
“Well yeah that’s what we’re here for.” I snickered and paused on a model that had bright blue hair, I think my dad would have a stroke if I came home with that.  
“No I mean like this.” Claire said raising her magazine up and tapping her finger against a model with pixie-short hair. I paused.  
“Really? Do you think I could pull it off?” I asked as I fingered through my damp and frizzy hair.  
“I think you’d look hot.” She smiled at me and handed me the magazine. A woman with spiky red hair in an apron walked over and called my name. I jumped up with the magazine still clutched in my hand as I looked to Claire for one last reassuring look. She gave an excited thumbs up as another woman came around and called her name.  
“Have an idea in mind?” The woman asked as she guided me to the black chair. I took a deep breath and tried to think of a reason to say ‘no just a trim is fine’, but I felt myself release my grip and show the woman the picture. Her face lit up and I knew I wasn’t turning back.

~  
I spent the entire night beaming. I was completely expecting to come home empty-handed and have to cancel on Embry last second. But I walked through the front door with a dress, shoes, and a completely new haircut that I couldn’t stop running my fingers through. Dad was shocked but he told me it looked great, and he made me try on the dress I bought even though he’d be seeing it the next night. I gave him a quick runway showing before taking it off so I didn’t immediately rip it or spill something on it. Bella had spent most of the afternoon napping but was feeling a lot better according to dad, especially after I set her up with my portable DVD player so she could actually watch things and not stare out her window all day. He thanked me again for watching after her but I was just glad to see relief in his eyes knowing he could finally sleep at night.   
I however spent the whole night excitedly tossing and turning, I was just glad I didn’t have to be up early. I texted Embry and told him about the plans for the next day and he said he couldn’t wait to see how hot I looked in my dress. I couldn’t even be mad at him, the dress made them look great.  
For the first time in a long time I went to bed smiling.


	16. Prom

I was trying not to throw up the entire time Claire was powdering my face with makeup. I normally always did my own makeup but Claire’s was always better, so I let her take the reins (after she begged me that is). I helped curl her long luscious ebony hair that she was now a couple inches short of, but as gorgeous as ever, and she helped pin my now tiny amount of hair so a flower clip would stay in.  
“God your hair is so cute, am I a genius or what?” She giggled as she hairspray me into oblivion.  
“You’re a genius, I have no regrets surprisingly.” I said as I nibbled on a piece of pizza Claire’s mom had ordered us for the preparation afternoon. Claire had fashioned me a napkin bib so I wouldn’t drop pizza sauce or grease directly on my chest, but I was mostly too nervous to eat. It was almost 5 as we were spraying our freshly painted faces with finishing spray that hopefully would last us a long sweaty night.   
“Thanks for coming Colly I’m so glad we get to hangout at prom.” She said excitedly as she picked off her pepperoni and ate it separately. We were eagerly waiting for a knock at the door or the sound of a car to pull up, both my legs were shaking excitedly.   
“Thank Embry, if it wasn’t for him I’d be curled up with some Cheez-its watching Netflix.” I snickered, “Wait maybe I should’ve said no.”  
She nudged my arm with her elbow so not to get me with grease, “Oh stop this is gonna be great.”  
I felt like I was going to puke, “God I hope so.”  
Claire and I finished washing our hands and making sure everything was in place, no lip was smudged, no grease was anywhere on us, when we finally heard a car pull up. I felt a little disappointed as we rushed over and it wasn’t Embry. Instead a very tall, serious looking man stumbled out of a pickup truck. He had a grey suit with a red tie to match Claire’s dazzling floor-length skin-tight satin dress, he had a corsage in his hand and a flower tied to his jacket. Claire practically ripped off the door in excitement and the seriousness of this man’s face faded when he saw Claire. He had a smile that nearly stretched ear to ear as he jostled inside to avoid the drizzle.   
“You look amazing.” Paul said as he gave Claire a quick kiss on the cheek, her parents were waiting in the foyer as well to take pictures (much to Charlie’s request).   
“So do you.” Claire giggled as she pulled him inside. Unlike most of the people I knew on the Reservation he had his ebony hair cut short, just long enough to stick up straight, the sides shaven. I could understand what Claire saw in him, he had an intensity in his eyes, but a good intensity.   
“Paul this is Colly, Embry’s date.” Claire said gesturing to me awkwardly sitting in the corner next to Claire’s mom who was already snapping pictures of the couple.  
“Hi.” I said giving a small wave, he walked over and shook my hand which caught me by surprise but I thought it was nice. His hand was extremely warm. Claire’s parents made them pose in the doorway while we waited for the hum of Embry’s jeep to pull up. I had started to think he forgot about me when there finally was a knock on the door. Claire ripped it open.  
“You’re late.” She scolded as she ushered him inside. The butterflies in my stomach intensified as Embry walked in. He was wearing a black suit with a navy tie, the jacket looked a little big for him, I’m assuming it was his uncle’s. But his hair was combed neatly and pulled back into a tight pony tail, something I had never seen. His eyes widened when he saw me and pulled me in for a hug.  
“I’m sorry have you seen my date? It seems she was replaced with an even hotter babe.” He whispered so that Claire’s parents wouldn’t hear. I slapped his chest.  
“Shut up, you look pretty snazzy yourself.” I couldn’t help but beam as I admired his attire.  
“Pictures pictures!” Claire’s mom squealed as she ushered us all in for a group picture. And then just Embry and me, and then just Claire and me, and then all of us again, and then more of each of the couples.  
“Mom okay we’ll never make it to prom if you keep us here all night.” Claire joked as she grabbed her purse. Her dad slowly reached over and took the camera out of her mom’s hand.  
“Go have fun kids.” He chuckled as we all piled out of the house and darted to our respective vehicles, trying to get our clothes as least wet as possible. I flung myself into the passengers side of Embry’s jeep and continued to hold the foot of my dress in my hand. We followed Paul’s pickup truck to the high school as thankfully the rain began to let up.  
“I forgot to get you a corsage, sorry.” Embry sighed as we pulled into the parking lot filled with cars. Kids were lined up outside taking group pics, single pics, couples pics, everyone already laughing away and having a good time. Surprisingly, I recognized quite a few kids from my high school.   
“Oh well I forgot to get you a corsage or whatever the male corsage is so, we’re even.” I snickered as we piled out of his jeep, Paul and Claire were waiting for us to catch up. They were already getting handsy with each other. I felt a little uneasy.  
“Oh and like, if you’re just not having a good time or whatever we can bail.” He commented casually, shrugging his broad shoulders.  
“No, I’m sure it’ll be great. But same goes for you I don’t wanna bore you.” I added.  
“Oh please, I’d never get bored of looking at you.” He winked playfully. I snorted probably unattractively but I knew there was no way he was serious. My heart was pounding as we caught up with Claire and Paul and started to make our way towards the gymnasium. It was nice to be in a sea of faces I didn’t recognize. Embry playfully shoved a couple of boys that we passed and I was even more grateful I didn’t recognize them. The music blared louder as Embry checked us in and slipped his hand through my elbow to guide me into the crowd.  
“Promise you won’t lose me?” I asked somewhat jokingly as tuxedos and suits and dresses and corsages starting overflowing around us.  
“I’ll do my best.” He laughed as we followed Claire’s red dress over to claim a table. She set her black clutch down and I threw the jacket I had brought (but didn’t intend on wearing because it didn’t go with my dress but dad made me take it anyway) down on a chair to claim them as ours.  
“Aw sweet they got cheesecake squares.” Embry commented as he peered at the food table adjacent to us.  
“I’ll go get us some drinks.” Paul said giving Claire a quick peck on the cheek.   
“Yeah I’ll go… get some drinks.” Embry said patting me on the back. I rolled my eyes at the juxtaposition. Claire looked to be in awe at all the lights and balloons.  
“This is amazing.” She chirped and bounced in her seat, “Oh I wanna go dancing.”  
“I’m sure we’ll go dancing that’s kind of the point.” I laughed as I sat back and admired how pretty everything was. There were fairy lights strung around the tables, red and white balloons covering the ceiling, the tables were lined with white cloth and had mini water bottles around the fake-flower centerpieces. I couldn’t help but be in awe as well.   
The boys came back with punch, and Embry came back with a plate full of mini cheesecake squares, a couple already shoved in his mouth. He gestured the plate at me but I was still too nervous to eat.  
“We’ve been here thirty seconds and you’ve already spotted the food table.” I snickered as I carefully sipped the pink punch, it tasted like cherries. There was energetic grunge music blasting from the speakers surrounding the dance floor and I watched as more couples poured into the center. But I was happy watching Embry pile-drive an entire party’s worth of cheesecake into his mouth.   
“We’re gonna go dance.” Claire giggled to me as Paul pulled her out of her chair and pulled her playfully to the dance floor. I couldn’t help but grin at how happy they looked.  
“Have I mentioned how nice you look? I’m really digging the hair I mean, very hot.” Embry said between cheesecake squares. I felt my face grow hot. Embry always jokingly called me a babe but this time I felt like he meant it. I still couldn’t get over my hair so I had to agree with him on that. But even with my Claire-signature makeup I definitely didn’t feel like the prettiest girl in the room.   
“Thank you.” I smiled, not bothering to come up with a joke. He smiled a goofy grin at me and pushed the plate towards me.  
“Here I got you a strawberry one cause I know that’s your favorite.” He said between chews.  
“Aw that’s even better than a corsage.” I swooned as I picked up the cute little square and went to take a bite out of it, but Embry reached over and shoved the whole thing in my mouth. I couldn’t help but start laughing.  
“You jerk!” I snickered as I jabbed him with my elbow and tried to avoid getting crumbs on my dress. He fell back in his chair laughing. I went to grab one to shove in his face but he pulled the plate away and out of my reach. I had finally swallowed the whole cheesecake and made sure there wasn’t any smeared on my makeup when I looked over and Embry was staring seriously at someone.   
“What?” I asked before looking over and seeing Jake standing a few tables away, glaring at Embry. My heart sank, my stomach flipped, I felt like I was going to throw up the cheesecake and pass out all at once. There they were. Jake was wearing a dark blue suit and a black tie, he had his hair down so it was falling all around his shoulders, he looked amazing. My heart fluttered until I saw.. her. She was wearing a colorful floral dress that was cut off at her thighs and barely covered her boobs. She was as skinny as a toothpick and had sleek dark hair longer than jakes pulled back into a neat pony tail.   
“Hey you wanna dance?” Embry said touching my arm and trying to get my attention away. My face felt hot, was I crying?  
“Er, uhm, yeah yes.” I stammered trying to catch my breath even though I hadn’t moved. He whisked me out of my folded chair and pulled me onto the slippery wooden dance floor.  
“Don’t let me fall.” I laughed as he threw his arm around me and pulled me in close. His hand was on my hip, it felt weird for anyone to be touching me let alone Embry. I took his other hand and let him guide, seeing as I had no dance skills what-so-ever.   
“No promises, you are pretty clumsy.” He joked as the song slid into a fast beat. I tried to ignore how badly my rhythm was but Embry didn’t make fun of me too bad, he looked almost as goofy as I did on the dance floor. But it was just fun to ignore everything and just have fun for once. We danced for a few songs nonstop before it turned into a slow song, I figured he would want to sit it out but he grabbed my hand again and we moved in closer. Couples were pairing up around us, I spotted Claire with her head rested on Paul’s broad chest smiling.   
“So what do you know about Paul?” I asked as we swayed back and forth.  
“Well he’s a senior, but everyone knows everyone here so I’ve basically known him my whole life.” Embry responded, “I mean he’s chill. He’s close with Sam Uley though.”  
“Who’s Sam Uley?” I asked. Embry got a sour look on his face and practically curled his lip to a snarl.  
“Just some guy, the tribal elders practically worship him for some reason… He’s always so… creepy whenever I’m around him. Like he’s going to induct me into his cult or something.” Embry explained, or rather growled.  
“So I should keep an eye our for gang signs or blood rituals?” I half joked. He shot me a look.  
“Stuff’s serious I mean, it’s just weird, like the tribal elders are in on it somehow. They support the cult.” He continued. I opened my mouth to ask more questions but he cut me off.  
“Paul is worthy though, if that’s what you were getting at.” He smirked.  
“No one is worthy of Claire but good to know.” I said, “I’m just glad she’s happy.”  
“Are you happy?” He asked catching me off guard.  
“I’m happy to be here.” I said honestly, knowing that wasn’t what he asked, “Thanks for bringing me.”  
He shook his head knowing I avoided the question, “Thanks for taking pity on me and agreeing to come.”  
We continued to sway slowly to the melancholy love song playing around us, our heads were practically touching we were so close, my hand was on his back and his was on my hip. My eyes flashed to the other couples, most of them were close enough to freak out a catholic nun, all looking happy. I felt my heart drop a little. Why couldn’t I have that? A couple either agreed to leave the prom to go have sex or go do it in the coat room as the boy led the girl off the dance floor, both giggling. I tried glancing around for Claire to see if her and Paul had ditched the party for a place to makeout but my eyes widened and a cold shiver ran up my spine as another couple came across my gaze. Jake and Madison were dancing, his hands on her back, her arms wrapped around his neck. They weren’t looking at each other. My heart sank further into my flats as Jake and I made eye contact. I wanted to look away but I kept staring. He didn’t look away either. His eyes were wide and it looked like his mouth was either in an angry frown, or he was gritting his teeth, or both. He cocked his head at me and continued to pierce me with his hazel-chocolate eyes. My throat felt like it was closing. I finally pulled back my gaze and let go of Embry’s hand.  
“I uhm, have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” I managed to choke out, I could feel my eyes watering up.   
“Oh okay yeah, it’s just right outside the doors we came in and down the right hall.” He explained as I avoided his eyes, I didn’t want to ruin his night. I nodded and quickly shuffled off the dance floor. My face was growing more hot and I felt like I was sweating through my dress as I pushed my way out of the gymnasium and down the hall. Once I was out of sight of people I picked my face up to practically a run, the most my dress would allow me. I almost got to the bathroom when I heard someone run after me and call my name. Fuck. The tears were almost bursting out. I turned expecting to see Embry checking on me but it wasn’t. Jake had followed me out. I turned to continue into the bathroom but he softly grabbed my wrist.  
“Colly please wait.” He pleaded, his voice shaky. I broke my wrist free but I didn’t move.  
“What.” I said coldly not matching his eyes, I didn’t need to as they were still perfectly carved into my thoughts.  
“I don’t know I just- why are you here with Embry? Why haven’t you been returning my calls?” He stammered, lowering his voice as others came into the hall to find the bathrooms. I blinked away the tears the best I could and took a deep breath.  
“Because he asked me. And I’ve been busy.” I answered carefully. He groaned and sunk his shoulders.  
“Colly come on.” He sighed.  
“Jake what do you want from me? Your girlfriend is waiting out there for you. Go be with her.” I hissed at him.  
“And what is Embry your boyfriend now, huh? You two have been blacklisting me so you could date behind my back?” His tone was growing more heated but his face was still solemn.  
“Oh my god.” I couldn’t help but laugh, a few tears coming out, “So what if we were? You have a girlfriend Jake.”  
He took a step back and ran his hands over his face. I tried to pull myself together and hope my makeup wasn’t completely ruined. He didn’t say anything. Why was he here? Was he mad that I intruded?   
“I can’t do this, I have a date. So do you.” I gritted through my teeth, my lips were trembling as the tears desperately tried to escape. He gave a long and deep sigh and I turned to leave again but he grabbed me and pulled me back.   
“Look I just need to do this.” He whispered and before I knew what was happening his hands were on my face pulling me in and he pressed his warm lips against mine. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as he continued to kiss me, I couldn’t help but kiss back. His lips were warm and sweet. It seemed to last for an eternity but at the same time not long enough. I finally broke it and pulled back.  
“Jake what are you doing?” I cried out, gently dabbing my eyes with my fingers.  
“I can’t just keep ignoring this any more so please, just let me get this out.” He took a deep breath, “I don’t know Colly I just- these past few weeks have been hell. I mean, not talking to you made me realize how much I need you in my life. And when I started… dating Madison I realized I didn’t want to be holding her hand or going out with her or kissing her I wanted it to be you.”  
“And seeing you here tonight, with Embry I just couldn’t take it anymore. Madison was getting irritated by how much I was staring at you guys and then you were slow dancing with him and his hands were all over you and I thought you two were together and that thought just made me realize how much I just love you.”  
He exhaled deeply and leaned against the cold brick wall. I felt stunned, like someone had just slapped me across the face or threw a martini at me like in the old movies. I didn’t know what to say. Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating? Did Embry drug my punch? I took a deep breath and finally met his solemn gaze.  
“Are you drunk?” I asked.  
“Wha-no I’m not drunk.” He scoffed.  
“High? Eat some bad cheese?”  
“Colly what no, I’m not saying this because I’m inebriated. I’m saying this because… I don’t know, because I’ve held it inside for too long.”   
I sighed and realized we had been gone for a concerning amount of time. Someone entered the hall before I could respond, it was Embry. He eyed us suspiciously as he came up to us.  
“Hey just making sure you didn’t get lost.” He smiled at me.  
“Nope just, there was a line.” I said gesturing towards the bathroom, “I’ll be back in a minute.”  
I didn’t look at Jake before I turned and pushed my way into the girls bathroom. I didn’t actually have to go, but I needed a moment. I stood at the bathroom sink and wet a paper towel with ice cold water. I gently pressed it under my eyes and tried to erase any evidence of what had just happened. My cheeks were red, and so were my eyes, but the cold of the paper towel seemed to help reduce the puffiness. I couldn’t help but stand there, frozen, just staring at myself. What the fuck was going on? I pressed my lips together, they still tasted like Jake. I could practically still feel his warm hands around my ears. It made me feel nauseous. My stomach was trying out for the olympics. My heart still hadn’t settled back into my chest. I felt like every part of my body had chills. I had no idea what I was going to do. I looked in the mirror and took deep breaths, slowly exhaling until my breath became more steady. I tried to straighten my hair and makeup as best as possible and was thankful the lighting in the gym was extremely dim, maybe Embry wouldn’t notice.   
I held my breath as I went back into the hallway, Embry was waiting for me but Jake had left. He raised his eyebrows at me like he was going to interrogate me, but maybe he saw my eyes or read my mind and decided to just offer me his arm.  
“Milady.” He smiled. I chuckled and slipped my arm around his. This wasn’t fair, I came here with Embry. I couldn’t just run off with another boy. With Jake. Did I even want to leave with Jake? I didn’t know how I felt. I mean, I’ve been sick to my stomach ever since he told me he had a girlfriend. I haven’t been able to talk to him let alone look him in the eye. And we just madeout in a hallway. Should I tell Embry? No. I mean, I date cheated on him. But we were just friends.   
We danced on and off throughout the night but my mind kept circling through these questions. I didn’t see Jake for the rest of the night, or Madison, I’m assuming she stormed out or maybe he didn’t tell her and they just left together. He could’ve just left with her and forgot about me since I didn’t say anything like an idiot. God I should’ve said something. But what would I even say to him? I mean, of course I love him he’s been my best friend since I was four and I moved to Forks. Maybe he doesn’t really like me at all, he just thinks he does because there’s nothing better. Well there’s Madison. Maybe he just wants me because I haven’t been talking to him. That’s how guys act right? They only like girls they can’t have?   
“You okay?” Embry asked as I realized I had been staring at my plate of cheese and crackers for… probably too long. I snapped my eyes back into focus.  
“Sorry, yeah just out of it a little.” I lied taking a bite of slightly warm cheese. He raised his eyebrows at me and cocked his head like he knew I was lying. Claire and Paul had barely gotten off the dance floor since we arrived, at the moment they were outside ‘cooling down’. God only knows what they were up to.   
“Do you want to leave?” Embry asked giving a small smile, “It’s kind of dying if you wanted to head out.”  
My shoulders dropped and I felt guilty, “I’m your date, I’ll be here until the sun rises if that’s what you want to do.”  
He flashed a smile but shook his head, “I’m pretty hungry if you want to go grab some actual food. My treat.”  
I realized I was a little starving from dancing all night, “That sounds really good, let’s go.”  
He grabbed both of our jackets and we headed for the door, I pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket and was a little disappointed to see I didn’t have any texts. I shook it off and quickly texted Claire that we were heading out. I followed him out the large gym doors and past the couples getting fresh in the entry way. The cool night air felt amazing on my face. By the time we got back to Embry’s jeep Claire had texted they were probably going to head out too “if you know what I mean ;) ;)” she typed. I told her to text me when she got home safe as we pulled out of the dirt parking lot.  
“I had a lot of fun tonight, thanks again for bringing me.” I said as we pulled onto the main road.  
“I’m glad, I had a lot of fun too.” He said giving me a soft smile but he pursed his lips like he wanted to say more. I raised my brows and leaned forward slightly waiting for him to just blurt it out.  
“Did something happen between you and Jake…” He asked hesitantly. The shivers came back.  
“Did he say something to you?” I asked.  
“Well he’s been a real… grouch lately at school and tonight he practically tore my head off while you were in the bathroom.” Embry explained as he stared out the dark and drizzly windshield, I had no idea where we were.  
I was silent for a moment as I laid my head against my fist leaning against the cool jeep window. I hoped Embry wouldn’t get mad at me.  
“Yeah he uhm, got mad at me too.” I admitted.  
“For what?”  
“For coming to prom with you.” I sighed.   
I heard him give a short stifled laugh and he shook his head, “Of course he is.”  
I didn’t say anything more. I didn’t want to confess everything that had happened, seeing as I wasn’t even sure if I hallucinated it or not. I changed the subject to asking him about if he had any plans for the summer since it was right around the corner. He said he considered going out to Montana to stay with his aunt and uncle but he also wanted to stay here and work probably somewhere off the Res to save some money for new tires.  
“I’ll probably have to learn how to put them on myself if my mechanic keeps being temperamental.” He commented with a hint of frustration in his tone. I was also probably going to have to take my car into an actual shop to get the oil changed if Jake and I… God I didn’t even want to think about what it meant to not be friends with Jake anymore. Car maintenance aside.   
We pulled into one of the local shacks that stayed open late because of prom night, plenty of other prom stragglers were camped out in their cars or on the picnic tables under umbrellas eating ice cream and burgers. My stomach rumbled and yearned for something other than cheesecake and punch.  
“You want a burger?” Embry asked digging his wallet out of the glove box, he knew that was always my go-to.   
“Yes, and a water please.” I said as I reached for my own stash of cash dad slipped me before I left.  
“Oops too slow guess I’m buying.” Embry snickered as he quickly hopped out of the drivers side and closed the door. I rolled my eyes and stuffed my money back in my phone case. I looked around at all the groups of friends laughing and stuffing their faces, most of the boys had discarded their jackets and loosened their ties, and the girls had sweatshirts thrown over their dresses. I knew I probably should’ve brought a change of clothes but I figured I’d get my money’s worth in this dress. I sighed as I didn’t see the one person I was kind of hoping to see. I wondered if he went home. Or if he was with Madison eating pizza. Maybe he was here and I just couldn’t spot him.   
I sighed and leaned my head against the cool windshield. The processing part of my brain was most likely broken after these past couple weeks. Everything flashed through my mind like a horrible B-list movie. I spiraled into a depression because of my friend getting a girlfriend. I started dating a guy I didn’t even like. I almost forced myself into having sex with that boy. Or rather than boy almost forced me. I’ve cried more in the past couple weeks than I have in the past few years. I’ve cut off all my hair. My sister almost died in an accident. I didn’t see my dad for a week. I went to prom with my friend and almost left with another friend. That friend confessed his apparent love for me.   
I paused and repeated that last part in my mind over and over until it felt real. Jake confessed his love for me. He loves me. Me! He told me he loved me, and he kissed me. I had never felt like that when a boy kissed me before. I still feel the butterflies all through my body that he left.   
What did this mean? Did… I love him too? I mean, of course I love him he’s my best friend. And I always want to be with him. And I get knots in my stomach and shivers every where else when he walks into my house or he pops his head out of his garage when I pull into his driveway. I always thought of us hanging out or his smile whenever I was feeling particularly depressed or anxious…   
“Fuck.” I said out loud. I loved him too. But maybe I was too late. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he realized he should be with Madison because Madison didn’t leave him crushed in a hallway while she continued to dance with his friend. Jesus I’m a bad person.   
I needed to tell him. It was almost 9pm. Would he be in bed already? Could I text him? No. I could go to his house the next day, or call him? But could I wait that long.  
“Got you a bacon cheeseburger and fries.” Embry jumped me out of my thought process and pushed himself back in the drivers side, handing me a hot container and a soda cup filled with water. I immediately chugged most of it.  
“Thanks.” I smiled as best as I could and picked at the fries. I could feel him looking at me but I ignored him as I dove into my burger. It was hot but I didn’t care, I was starving but now my stomach felt like it closed down for the night and wouldn’t open back up until I shook out these thoughts. We ate in silence beside the radio playing softly in the background.  
“So.” He finally said as I took the last bite of my burger. I barely even tasted it.  
“Hm.” I said as I pushed my fries around a little and finished off my water. My throat felt like it was closing in.  
“What are you going to do about Jake?” He asked casually. I nearly choked.  
“What do you mean?” I asked also casually. I saw him shake his head slightly and give me that are you serious look. We both knew what he meant.  
“I mean about the whole ‘it’s clear you two are crushing on each other but no one will make the first move and now you’re both suffering in silence’ thing.” He responded, gnawing at the chicken finger he was holding. I let out a huge sigh. Did everyone know?  
“I don’t know.” I responded quietly after a moment of staring at my fries holding back the tears that had returned. God I couldn’t get rid of these things. Shouldn’t they be dried up by now?  
“Well, am I right?” He asked turning to face me more. I took a deep breath and felt the word just come out.  
“Yes.”  
“So what’s the hold up?” He continued.  
“He has a girlfriend.” I felt like I was the only one who knew that.  
“So? You’re way better than Madison.”  
I couldn’t help but laugh at this, “Well she’s way prettier. And I don’t know but clearly Jake made his decision.”  
“Right that’s why he nearly put me through the wall over dancing with you.” Embry pointed out. I didn’t say anything for a moment. Maybe I was just being stubborn, or ignorant, or just refusing to see that Jake liked me because I didn’t really like me. I mean, I’m an overweight super-pale school nerd that would way rather sit home writing than go to a party. Maybe Jake was just settling.   
“Look, all I’m saying is you… you should do whatever makes you happy. Whether that’s go confess your love for Jake and you tow crazy kids start making group hangouts awkward with your PDA, or if it’s realizing you don’t like Jake and he gets over it. But to be honest, you’re a great person. Jake is the one who isn’t worthy if you ask my opinion.” Embry said. I finally looked at him, he didn’t look like he was about to say ‘just kidding’ or ‘sike who could ever like you?’, Instead he just smiled reassuring at me.  
“And your boobs look amazing in that dress, how could he not fall for you?” He added, that was more like it. I chuckled and wiped away the water that was forming in my eyes again.   
“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this.” I sighed realizing how much of an emotional burden I had been on him the past couple weeks.  
“It’s no problem I mean, what else am I gonna do? Hang out with Quil alone? Have you met that guy?” He joked. I chuckled wondering where exactly Quil had ended up. He was pretty adamant about meeting the ‘ladies’ at prom but I didn’t see him anywhere. Maybe he got lucky.  
“Did you know I love you?” I smiled leaning over and grabbing his cheek playfully like an aunt at a family reunion.  
“Shut up.” He snorted and shoved my hand away, “But same.”  
We finished off our food and he drove me back to Claire’s house. Her lights were off, I’m assuming she was still out with Paul. I felt empty and overwhelmed at the same time. I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to stay at Claire’s either. I didn’t want to bring down her night with my conundrums any more.  
“Well thanks again for everything Embry, I had a really good time.” I said as I grabbed my keys and clutch out of his glovebox.  
“Thanks for coming with me. Uh, text me when you get home.” He smiled as I hopped out of the passenger seat and tried to avoid the puddles. I gave a small wave and closed the door. I walked over and got into my car, I turned it on and waited for his headlights to pull out and disappear in the distance. It was about 10 now, so I’d text him in half an hour letting him know I got home. But I wasn’t going home.


	17. Chapter 17

It was dark but thankfully I knew most of the Reservation roads by now. Especially this one. I held my breath and turned my lights on dim as I pulled into the muddy driveway. No lights were on in the house, but the lights were on in the garage. I felt like throwing up as I turned my car off. There was no going back. I tried to avoid the mud as best as I could as I maneuvered the path I had walked hundreds of times before. I avoided the giant root that took me quite a few spills before I developed the muscle memory to step around it. I came upon the heavy red garage door and took one last deep breath. God I hoped he was in there… and I hoped he was alone.  
I slowly slid it open and saw him sitting in the driver’s seat of the rabbit, his eyes closed and music playing out of the radio of the car, he must’ve fixed that recently. His head jerked up as he heard the clanging of the door closing. I stood terrified in the doorway.   
“Colly.” He said startled as he sat up and almost hit his head on the roof of the car. I took another deep breath, I had tried to rehearse what I wanted to say on the short drive over here but everything I came up with sounded stupid.  
“Hi.” I said stupidly. I awkwardly fumbled with my trembling hands that were also numb from the night air. He stood up but stayed where he was. He was still wearing his suit shirt but the jacket was thrown over the couch and his tie was on top. His sleeves were rolled up and his shirt was unbuttoned revealing his tan arms that had bulked out in the past year. I lost my train of thought.  
“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. I didn’t want to look him in the eyes because I knew the tears would pour out but I did it anyway. I needed to tell him.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. I just… didn’t know what to do.” I started.  
“No look I’m sorry for pouncing on you like that. I cornered you. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have done that.” He interjected. God I took too long he was regretting it.  
“Do you take back what you said?” I asked trying to hold myself together.  
He sighed and shook his head, “No. None of it.”  
I exhaled a little, but I still needed to get it out. I tried to shake off my nerves as best as I could. But of course it didn’t work. The only thing that would help was finally saying what I’ve been avoiding for months.   
“Okay well. Now I’m cornering you. So I just have some things to say.” I said quickly.  
“Okay.” He said back, neither of us moved.   
“These past few weeks have been… well they’ve been some of the worst weeks of my life. And I don’t say that to make you feel bad but it’s true. I’ve been miserable. And I know it’s actually my fault because I’m the one that stopped talking to you but I just… I couldn’t be around you knowing that you were with someone else. When you told me that you had a girlfriend I felt… horrible. And I didn’t know why I was so mad at you. I thought it was because you just didn’t tell me but I’m realizing the reason I can never stop thinking about you or wanting to hang out with you or wishing you and your girlfriend would break up is because I was jealous.”  
I took a breath and kept going, “And I know I’m being hypocritical because I was dating Devin but I didn’t even like Devin and every time I was with him I was thinking about you. And I only went to prom with Embry because he pitied me. And seeing you there dancing with Madison and being with Madison just killed me because I wanted to be there with you.”  
“And apparently everyone knows that I’m in love with you and they say you’re in love with me and then you come up to me and say you’re in love with me and you kiss me and I just… this is all coming out wrong I’m sorry.”  
I exhaled and tried to remember what I had left out but he spoke first.  
“Colly I broke up with Madison earlier. And I almost punched Embry in the face. I’ve never punched anyone before. But I wanted to kill him. So I broke up with Madison and I wanted to call you but I thought you were saying you didn’t want to be with me when you went back with Embry.”  
“You broke up with Madison.” I repeated, I couldn’t help but crack a small smile. He nodded and opened his mouth to speak but it was my turn.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I panicked. I mean I never would have imagined you would say something like that. I mean I have imagined it but then I thought I was crazy so I ignored it. But I… Well I love you Jake of course I love you. And not like I love you because you’ve been my best friend since… ever, well I do love you like that but I like like you. Jesus what am I saying. Fuck.” I yammered uncontrollably, why couldn’t I speak like I wrote? I mean I wasn’t that great a writer either maybe that’s it. I waited for him to tell me I was being insane and he actually didn’t like me anymore but instead he shifted, slowly moving towards me.  
“Well, what does this mean? Are you saying you like me?” He asked, I guessed he was slightly teasing me.  
“Yes.” I said. He moved a little closer.  
“And I’m saying I like you.” He said.  
“And you’re not playing a joke on me.”   
“No Colly I’m not playing a joke on you.”


	18. Chapter 18

I waited for myself to wake up. I waited for the familiar sing-song of my alarm to blare in my ear and I’d be in my bed, about to get ready for another lifeless day at school. I’d do my best to force laughter with my friends, I’d eat the same tuna sandwich, I’d take Maggie on a walk after school, I’d do dishes, I’d do homework, I’d eat the dinner Bella prepared us, and then I’d lay in bed blaring my music in my headphones until sleep finally took over. I would dream of being in Jake’s garage once more, eating pizza and laughing with Embry and Quil as the hours raced by. And then I’d wake up, and repeat.   
But my alarm never went off. My eyes never jerked awake in panic. I wasn’t alone in my room. I was where I dreamt of being. I felt his rugged hands wrap around mine, our fingers intertwining. Music played softly in the background on his radio. Some indie CD he had played numerous times before while he worked and hummed along. I held my breath as he pulled me closer and slowly started to sway. My hand rested on his shoulder as he moved his hand to my waist, our bodies gently grazing each other as we moved along with the music. I couldn’t help but stare at him, still thinking this was a dream, and wanting to remember every part of his face in case I woke up.  
Thank god I never woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for an addition to the series, continuing the POV of Colly Swan in New Moon.


End file.
